26 September 2009

Good Morning, Clouds...

For me...there's something glorious about waking up outside. The smell of the morning in the hills is fresh and there's a hint of cedar. Someone's campfire is nearby, too, and that smell is wonderful.
This little hill is between us and our camp site. It's been a lazy little morning hike and some discovery of simple things.
Life has to include many small doses of things just like this :-)

25 September 2009

Gotta Get Outta This Place

Before school started I signed up for a few clubs that I thought to try if there was time.  There seemed to be two camping/naturalist clubs that were a little better than the others and one of them has a campout this weekend.  At the beginning of the week it didn't seem like I would make this one.  Mid-week as things intensified (normal) and several friends' lives seemingly unraveled the camping looked highly improbable.

Today... I'm there, and cannot wait to get going.  My stuff is loaded in my pack and I'm heading out after the last class with a guy I met and 2 outdoor(sy) co-eds.  It's looking like the weather will be dry and warming (been in the 60's and low 70's all week), with about 15 total assorted camping types planning to make the trip.  Now... this oughta be interesting!

24 September 2009

Another day...

another test.  Lotta writing ahead and subjectivity in the grading - nice - gotta think this time :-)

Was wondering... do you still dream like a kid?  One of my dream snippets from last night seemed kinda random.  Was at a park playground that I remember from when I was in kindergarten or first grade.  Yeah... had an accident and got hurt once so I've been back before, but this was pure fun.  Woke up pretty darn happy...too happy for a test day, cloudy skies, upset friends, etc.

I love... the fall season and the cooling days.

I'm pretty sure the dream meant that I should find a swing today - you know, post test stress release...

23 September 2009

Call Me... troubled?

As I sit with furrowed brow
Upon the hard that is of now
And think back past
This time gone fast
Has it gone awry and how

Or is not this place me
And my brow unbending be
Where I go my feet move forth
Path unsure tho mine what worth
So good my life for all to see

Are you doing well?

I've described to a few people how I feel when getting a perfect grade.  It's not what you might think, and it happened again yesterday.  I suppose that it's a little ironic that it happened on a test taken while being sick..., but I was kinda over-prepared for the test.  Some things...like people things are mysterious to me, but acing a test isn't foreign.  There's a lift, then some vindication, sometimes recognition (he gave out my test last and tried to hug me), and then the shame...of going too far.   You're completely alone.... Now there's some fairly clear expectations that have been set - that's okay, but you see the looks on the faces of your classmates - they are not happy with me...because they tried hard, too.  Can't please everyone, I suppose....

Feeling lonely today...again...

22 September 2009

"Tis better...

to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"


I've been reading poetry just a little bit more since the Summer than I ever have before and Tennyson, has become a favorite writer.  Shakespeare and his scores  of sonnets were amazing, but Tennyson kinda sums it up without a buncha fluff..., over and over.  And then his poems of love lost.  It seems to be a more complete thought when you take the whole verse:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

 He loved to pair the light and dark, the happy with sad, life with death... yes, a lot of death.  So his poetry always leaves me thinking, and a little less than satisfied and hopeful, actually, that there is a place of pure and constant happiness.  And wondering about the high, highs and the low, lows.  Should we avoid them or seek them hungrily as part of the adventure, the travel, the experience and not try to locate as a destination.  And what of all the different types of people, places and things?

‘Shall eagles not be eagles? wrens be wrens?
If all the world were falcons, what of that?
The wonder of the eagle were the less,
But he not less the eagle. Happy days
Roll onward, leading up the golden year.

And questions of our place or purpose:

The world is somewhat; it goes on somehow:
But what is the meaning of then and now?
I feel there is something; but how and what?
I know there is somewhat: but what and why?
I cannot tell if that somewhat be I.

Anyway...a lot of questions and no answers.  Part of my growing poetry enjoyment is the sense that I'm drinking the nectar of the fruit without all of the peeling and pulp - sort of efficiency of word.

Y'all have fun..., but not without the not-so-fun...

21 September 2009

Yeah..., well, maybe I'll appreciate the next win more...

They said that there were officially 105,121 people in the new Cowboys Stadium to see the Cowboys lose to a decent Giants team - the largest NFL crowd on record.  They hung a 600 ton set of jumbo screens from the ceiling, had dozens of dancers in "cages" for the cheap ($236) seats up high, and everyone who might have been alive and important to the Cowboys was there.

Eli was amazing and Romo wasn't so.  It, too, was a great game, and I didn't really wanna get up this morning and remember the loss.  I'm up, however, and the memory of that loss is quickly fading - it's being replaced by the memory of much more significant losses - losses that weren't just a football game played for entertainment.

It's got the smell and feel of a Monday for sure around here.

20 September 2009

Does a fear of loss make for better appreciation?

Bigger Game

Yesterday's football game was decidedly better than the home opener against ULM.  The annual Tech game has shown to be another good rivalry game every year, and it's usually close in score.  Whenever it seemed like we were pulling way out front you could feel the release of tension, but you could also sense that the fun was going out of the stadium to a certain extent.  Every time Tech scored it quieted the crowd, and I wondered if we would lose this game, and fall in the rankings, and... lose hope of another national championship.  The quiet was immediately followed with what seemed to be an adrenaline boost as we received the next kickoff.  And then every time we scored and moved out front by a touchdown or more, the sense of appreciation in winning a hard fought game became more pronounced than before.  The win after the ULM blowout didn't seem to carry much pride, but today I'm still feeling like the team did something worthy for the football program.  Is that simply because we could have easily lost?  (I copied this picture off of the internet because I couldn't get anywhere near the ESPN Gameday area.  It was kinda cool being featured)

$%^&*! Server Problems

Whenever I got my computers back online yesterday I was a good deal more appreciative of the simple pleasures available online, too.  Whenever my network server goes down it typically doesn't last long, but it also takes down my blackberry service... and I'm toast.  I've learned that it's easiest just to walk away from it all and take a break until it comes back up - doesn't do any good to call for a fix because surely one of my family members on the network of about 100 computers and devices is already on top of the problem.  Yesterday, though, my pain was more pronounced.  I'd volunteered to be a tutor for a group that does virtual tutoring and Saturday was my first day...Fail!   My two hour slot was smack in the middle of my 4 hour internet-free blackout...grumble, grumble....  I think that I'll have to send that email that I wrote expressing my extreme displeasure.  I'm also looking into "going off of the reservation" and the expense that would go along with it.  But, hey, today I'm very thankful.

Of course, Studies...

Mid-week I was suffering a potential loss "of sorts"....  As I suffered through my bodily virus attack, and missing classes - I'd begun to lose hope that I could do well this semester....  Now...I'm not writing about simple do-well, but some fairly aggressive goals that would be significantly impacted by dropping one single grade in the trash.  The week ended okay, and with yesterday's fairly intense studying I'm thinking it's do-able again...and I'm a little more appreciative of where I sit in my 7 classes.
So... why is it that you have to lose something, or the fear of it, anyway- to be appreciative of it?  I certainly don't know....

Catholic Services in Spanish
Today was my third Spanish-only Catholic mass and although I've enjoyed it, I'm going to try another church next Sunday.  The parishioner families have been so warm and welcoming, and I'm going to miss seeing several people in particular.  This is a congregation which is mostly Mexican immigrant families, and a few assorted other Latin American countries.  The progression from outsider to potential member has been fairly quick and I shouldn't be leading myself and them on any longer.  My Spanish has gotten a fairly good workout and, of course, that's always good, but there are a few families who showed me today and last week that they really wanted me there...permanently...and I wasn't planning to do that for a few reasons.  I haven't been raised Catholic, although about half of my family has been, and I've perceived that this college time is fraught with more choices than I'd imagined.  Heck, why not see if I really have a choice right now with religion, I thought - and toss in language at the same time.  The reality is that I'm much more comfortable with my conservative Protestant service in English, and so I'll find one close by to try next week.

What is this Major?

I've also been thinking some about the major I'm in and switching  (yeah, right, but...better now than never) to ...Architecture.  I've always had a keen interested in the design and construction of things, but the career part of it can be...tough.  My favorite library has me interacting with quite a few of the guys studying architecture because it's attached to the school of architecture.  I suppose that I didn't get here by accident, but it's also the closest big library to my apartment building.  And then... there's also this feeling that I don't completely fit in with most of the guys who are in my current major...they don't love physics, science and art like I do.  Prolly more on that later.

Well... I have about 3 more hours of study today and should be able to start the week off right, and... watch the Cowboy game tonight without any study related guilt.
Um... y'all have fun, and I'll keep trying to do the same.

18 September 2009

Clouds parting?

it's rained some or a lot every day since Sunday, and I saw this strange bright spot in the clouds just a short bit ago.
Monday began slowly, skipping two classes and by this afternoon I had skipped every class this week, at least, once. Now maybe that got worked out of the system and won't need to do it again...
I think that I made myself sick this week, too. At first it felt like any slump: not sleeping well, sore, unable to run as far without getting tired, but then I had a fever by Tuesday. After the class less parts of Monday, I made every one on Tuesday and prolly gave whatever I had to each group I saw. Wednesday was hard, but Thursday was the worst.
Not sure that I'd ever been sick without someone nearby who cared. My roommates laughed and left me alone...and then, there wasn't anybody there to make sure I was eating, drinking, showering.... What a mess.
So I survived and know that it can be done - besides, billions of other guys do it alone.
My schedule got a little wacky with the extra sleeping, and today began to look more normal...only had to skip that one last class to be at 100% for the week - physics lab - done!

12 September 2009


Stole this from a friend's blog (it's kinda cute, Kim...) and I might delete this post later, but it kinda sums up what I've been thinking for the last few hours

11 September 2009

Silent night

A view from the South mall on a late(r) walk around campus last night.
The rain earlier had done a good job of cooling the surfaces and cleaning...that which needed cleaning.
Should be a decent Friday, tho, quite long.  Meeting some friends after my last class and kinda hoping for some fun.  I've already decided that I'm going to make some fun today and have fun with anyone who's willing!!

09 September 2009

Salvation in the classroom

In 2 out of 4 classes today we had a quiz. Now...normally, this wouldn't be that great, but the time investment on the holiday weekend paid some dividends...sigh...of relief and some salvation for doing what I thought was right and not going home for the weekend.
I'm getting (somewhat) accustomed to the idea that I'm going to be studying, like, all the time. The best thing about this is it cuts down on the amount of time that I get spend - just thinking. "Thinking" is usually the time when I get mull over the things that I've done, said, didn't do, etc. and ponder the "great advice" I get about those things. A lot of things kinda seem to work themselves out without dramatic -action- another of my things. I feel that action is what makes things happen...and it might...be the wrong action and the wrong happening.
So...patience and lots of studying, which has proven to be good, and less thinking has me feeling kinda normal and mildly happy tonight. I hope you are, too. ^!^

08 September 2009

Library lover

Finally got a decent shot of my favorite library.  Had to decide whether you got to see the orderly tables and lamps (and students) or this crazy, wonderful ceiling!  Every surface is a little hard so any little sound tends to carry.  That pretty much keeps everyone quiet - with severe purpose - that's kinda funny in itself, to me.
In all 3 of my classes today I waited ever so patiently for the hard question to come out - you know the one that proves you are a little too prepared?  Well... it never came.  It was as though the profs took the weekend off, or something... what?  a holiday?  Maybe tomorrow will be different, and I'll get to answer...  If not, then I might have to jump out there and start asking them myself!
Seriously...where's the fun in spending a holiday weekend getting a little too prepared for the coming week (geek much)?

Labor Day party

Had my pleasurable (and rare) nap interrupted by a friend putting together an impromptu pool party.
Her timing was really very good because I had just spent 15 hours of the prior two days studying.  The first two weeks of school have been intense at times.
You kno...I've always said, and believe, that people don't change.  Our behaviors, tho, can be somewhat modified.  Sometimes, just a little modification is enough.  I've been killing myself over a few things, a move and rough school for weeks, and struggling for no good reason, I think.
Over and over I've been given advice that all sounds the same, and I haven't been listening.  Maybe the answer really is staring me right in the face.  (thanks for the surprise, self-pic on my phone, Clo!)

07 September 2009

So finally...a good dream...

My dreams lately haven't been horrible, but you know how some things can be so boring that they can wake you up? Yeah...they've been like that. Lotsa regular school stuff and breaking pencils while taking notes - bike gets stolen from the rack and late to class - thirsty dreams...big deal, right?
Not sure the cause, but rest, relaxation, being ahead in studies and no roommates may have had a positive impact.
Prolly have to post this in two or three parts because of the details, and not wanting to forget any part -
Part I
Starts at the beach - almost all of my good ones start at the beach - and I'm lying on my back and am more comfortable than ever (more later), but I realize that I'm not even touching the sand. I'm floating a few inches above it and therefore no discomfort whatsoever, and no grit - just breeze and perfection. The waves are coming up and they come up to my feet, and dissipate before they reach my ankles. I can hear seagulls and people playing off in the distance, but when I raise my head to see them there's no one in sight - and I get the sense that it's like a private beach. I shift position to my side and can see rocks nearby that kinda form a niche for keeping out of public view. Now...this is the moment that I realize the comfort thing - there's no swimsuit, but it didn't matter because I was completely alone. Dunno about you, but I'm a little modest so being out there sans everything would be pretty difficult, but I was completely at peace.
I heard some extra splashing and thought that someone was in the surf running. Opened my eyes and saw another person, but she wasn't running...she was floating, too, and the splashing was caused by her hands - she was playing in the water and floating in my general direction. I really wanted to recognize her, but it was like her hair kept getting in the way as the sea breeze tossed it about. And then I heard her laughing. It was sweet and childlike and unfettered. When she looked over at me it was as though we were on this beach together because she wasn't surprised. She was laughing for me to hear and enjoy so I started to smile, and then chuckle, and then it came - a really loud relief of a laugh that seemed to make the air reverberate - like a movie special effect. She was becoming recognizable as she got nearer. She was spinning slowly in mid air as she floated over - like a dolphin doing underwater tricks except she was flying. The dream either started to take color or I never noticed it before, but her hair seemed to change colors as she came closer and closer. She was now close enough to reach out and touch.
Wow...time for a nap...

So...here we are...

Figuring now that I shouldn't feel any pressure to post daily like I had done on a slightly different url.

Was telling a friend last night that as bad as the week beginning can be...mid week has me freaking out each of the last two weeks since classes began. The overwhelming pressure of the classes and workload by Wednesday is stifling and whatever normalcy I previously held is left flatly on a hot sidewalk rushing to class.

Getting outside of town and pushing up the hills is fantastic, but it makes my butt and legs feel like they've never done this before. Think I almost went too far...need to find a friend with whom to ride.

Lotta thinking yesterday and ample sleep since Friday night musta jarred loose some good dreams last night. Revelation coming...maybe more sleep means better dreams because I've been re-living the better parts from last night over and over like good movie scenes ;-)

Y'all keep living the good life!

06 September 2009

First home game - easy WIN!

This first home game wasn't supposed to be a tough one, but I was thrilled to be there!  Remember a few games with my grandfather when I was younger and the stadium seemed bigger - haha - but omgosh, it was huge!!  Said that there were over 100,000 in attendance and the 53rd straight sell-out crowd.
Since the game was a walk-over, it was a pretty good party and people-watching experience.  Thought for sure that I'd see lots of guys I knew, but only saw 4 or 5 - another haha.
This shot before the game was just a bunch of nervous energy - TEXAS - FIGHT from side to side and lotsa "can't wait for this to start" feeling.

Blog buddies...

So... I'm blogging for one less reader now.  Many, many apologies to all for disappearing and then deleting an entire google account (don't ever do that, yourself).  I'll endeavor to get the pics back on here for those of you who appreciated them the most.  I also have a few posts that I did and are just saved under draft that I should have some time to get up here, too.
Y'all be happy and have some more fun, okay?