30 October 2009

I'm Scared

I've been up since about 4.00 - result of an appropriately scary sleeping episode...

It's worked out okay, I guess, because there was some reading that was so boring it didn't get done on Wednesday after it was assigned.

But back to the nightmare....  I've been much more likely to have wonderful, colorful, dreamy dreams than anything else while I'm sleeping.  This one was especially unsettling because someone died, and I couldn't do anything to stop it.  Pretty certain that I'm going to have to study up on some dreams now because it doesn't make any sense at all to me.  Up for about 3 hours now and it still won't go away.  I'm really confused because it doesn't seem to have anything to do with what's been going on  during my waking hours.  This has been a really busy, achievement oriented, nee - people seeing and meeting, generally happy week.  Now this...why?

On the gleeful side - I've never been happier to wake and find that it was all made up :-)

29 October 2009

Kandy Karma

Had this other silly theory about why certain holidays cause giddiness leading into them.  The waning days before All Souls Eve is one of the best as a kid... and here we are.  It still goes on.  Easter and Christmas are two others laden with sweets.

I think it's sugar.  Get all healthy like on me and say how bad it is, but when you've got free candy - loads of chocolate - being distributed everywhere for a week - it has to be in the system.  Walking around campus I'd say easily half of the backpacks have a few candy bars in them.  Look in the trash can in any classroom and there's candy wrappers in them!

So my thought is that such a large percentage of people are feeling good because of our chocolate and other candy intake.  If you feel good, then you share that with your neighbor, and so on....

It'll last until about Tuesday or Wednesday of next week, and then there will a huge sugar crash.  Look out world!  I'm thinking to save some of my free candy and continue to spread it around a little....

Up early doing my review deal - Have a regularly scheduled test today and there was a hint of a quiz in one class on Tuesday.  If you couldn't tell - Ima test lover - hope you have summa your own fun today, too!

28 October 2009

Had to get up earlier to review notes....  Two make up tests today, and I feel wonderful.  This one (somehow) hit me right and can't get it out of my head.

Wow... This is still stuck in there... First test went extremely well!

Meeting a nice friend for lunch (rare) and expecting that this is going to be a day to remember!

27 October 2009

Outside is Good

So it came to finding the right place for study after classes and the weather today made the decision easy. It was about 72 and clear blue skies - the South Mall, definitely...

Being able to lie on my back and read then roll over to write down some notes - coughing a little in between each motion - was just perfect. I've been out here for about 3 and a half hours and feel like going up the street to get my tent and stay the night.

After the first hour - had the distinct feeling that I had been here like this before, but I hadn't - not with this perfect temperature anyway.

It hit me when I heard the conversation of some girls a short distance away. They laughed as they practiced their french lessons... The weather, the mood - good but not completely at ease, the feeling that I was living in the right time and things are getting better...

It was a lot like that day this summer when we visited the park around the Eiffel Tower in Paris.  It was sunny, but not hot - about 72 degrees and perfect.

So I looked around - yes, there were the vendors over there selling treats (and eggrolls), lots of useless birds, some people throwing frisbees, a few couples enjoying each others..., laughing, living. What a nice day made even better with a little imagination.

26 October 2009

This is so not funny

My cough is apparently scary enough that small children would run away at the sound.

Whoever the proctor / librarian was today - asked me to go to the clinic and have them look at me...no bother explaining to him....

I'm able to part traffic from the oncoming pedestrians ambling along in the rain today...

Went back to the apartment to try and study (first time to try that) and emptied the elevator....

Was able to keep it all muffled through my classes and no one kicked me out nor moved further away (was already in the back, right in each class). Once I cleared the classes, it was time to clear the airways. Not sure if the monster contributed to the cough, but now I can't stop it (cough, cough).

Listen to me: do not get this stuff...please do not let yourself get sick. It hurts to take a deep breath, and now I'm feeling a little hurt about the ostracism. Oh, well...at least I like being left alone sometimes.

Other than that noisy issue - it's a regular sloppy, cold, ho-hum sorta Monday where no good smile is returned in kind, tho, I have gotten some crazy looks... Ha!

25 October 2009

Gettin' all thinking-ful

Still working the curiosity of perception and perspective... and prolly always will - it's turned gray today and I'm going back to school as soon as this football game ends....

Last week, well... up until 10 days ago,  I'd perceived the Dallas home as the place of relaxation where I had plenty to do if I wanted.  Thought that there was a sorta hole left here where I once belonged, and that upon my arrival the hole gets filled and it's all good again.  Austin, specifically the campus and immediate area, was full of study and a little angst about trying to keep my head above water.  The landscape changed dramatically every weekend (wubba, wooba, yays!).  Driving away from Austin felt good because I was leaving the stress behind and heading "home".

Beginning Friday it was apparent that there wasn't a hole in Dallas.  Life, of course, moved on in my absence and even the family (now a foursome) functioned perfectly without me.  Visiting here I was an appendage that seemed to surprise anyone who encountered me in my old bedroom (guest room #2) or on a couch watching the game.  It's also kinda boring here without the roomates at each other or a floating group of friends ready to do something at any hour.

Austin then became the oasis in my mind and not the stress pit.  If only I could get back there now, then it would be better and maybe I could sleep.  I'm looking forward to the drive with dad here in just a little while because I've not had more than 30 minutes with him since spring, I think.  It's also the ride to independence of a sorts.

What things are immutable?  There has to be a large group of things that don't change regardless of your perspective - right?

Life happens exactly where you are.  Pleasing and not so... it's going to happen right on your head, and it doesn't matter what other sort of environmental extras there are.  Some so-so realizations include a number of ahas! that you've probably deduced yourself for examples:

- Work is a job and there is no perfect job - school is study and learning on a timetable; one has to make his own fun while doing the work (whistle?)

- Even people on beautiful islands have trouble enjoying rainbows; every place one can live has a preponderance of the things that bug everybody (work, homework, crowding, errands, aggravating people, etc)

- Discovery of one's limitations will soon set in; you're never going to be more handsome/pretty, much stronger, more clever, much funnier, more patient, more appreciative... just because of where one is

- News of the world's disasters and failings will spread from pole to pole in a few seconds; and the news of the good stuff will still take several days

Well... that all seems kinda negative, but here's something else to consider: The fun and glee resides in each one of us and only you can make it come out.  There is no locale being in which is going to suck the happy out and put it on your lips if your mind says it hurts.  There is no place that is free of sad if you want to get there, too.

How could it be that sitting alone or in a crowd that perspective changing news can dramatically alter your mood?  How could it be that music heard at just the right time seems to be the most perfect tune and later the same notes seem way out of place? It's the stuff between your ears.... If it wants you to be happy and finding fun, then it may be found in the simplest of places.  ...I'm really trying not to get glum just because I'm heading back into a storm....  Yay!  Cowboys win -haha....

23 October 2009

do you feel that?

It's the change of seasons, officially!  If it's not raining where you are, then it's likely getting close to the perfect temperature on most days.  I Love this time of year = to the time opposite the calendar in April.  It feels like love and community - do you feel that?  Aaahhhhh............smile.

I'm also a little giddy about making a significant dent in my schoolwork.  It's looking like I might actually have it done by the time I get back on Monday :-D  Oh, well...still so much to do.

Oh. yeah... was cleared by the doctor to return to action today - cured!  I'm still coughing like a bandit and sleepy and a little (ahem!) weak, but I should be able to do some running next week and other things that normal people do!

19 October 2009

Mmm mmm good

My appetite came back this morning and the world looks, sounds and feels different. Found out what happened to all the ginger ale and gatorade that I've been drinking over the last few days, too - ha, ha....
Had a family sized can of chicken noodle soup for lunch and started to feel a little poorly. Went and laid down and listened to some Bach and thought nice things. Started to doze off and then here came the Gatorade - through every pore in my body (uck-sorry). Omgosh - just like I was in a sauna!
Fever is down below 100 and feeling just about wonderful, but a little weak in the knees.
I'm not sure if the soup had anything to do with it, but going to give it some credit. The doctor and nurses yesterday were quite complimentary about everything else and said that I would beat "this" with no problems. I'm pretty sure that prayer helped, too. Thank you if you prayed for me. Prolly put some emphasis on the scientists' anti-virus medicine, too, please.
So...the crazy obsessive running, sports and general exercise and healthy eating might have helped, too, maybe.... The racy heartbeating on Sunday was kinda like a jogging beat and not really as fast as they made it out to be. So the heart got a little workout and my abs got a considerable workout from the coughing.
I'm not going to make light of the potential severity of this virus, tho, because I sure felt badly at times and the high fever and headaches kinda take away one's spirit for a bit. Right now I'm getting happier and continuing to milk the attention from my wonderful mom <3 as I regain my strength over the next few days - weeks?
And there's still a friend who wasn't able to leave the hospital, yet - she and I and another friend, Sammi, were all at the family shelter together, played a long while with the kids, and we all got the flu. Pray for Chloe, please, if you say prayers - thank you.

18 October 2009

Don't worry

I've been getting worry-ish emails and txts, but I'm okay, okay? I really feel much better today and the shots may be working like they're supposed to be.
I'm on the way to the hospital right now, but not supposed to stay. The doctor has been checking on me quite often since he lives right down the street from my parents. He just wants to have some tests done, he says, because my heart rate was up this morning.
There's nothing to be done by anyone except me. I'm sorry about this scary stuff, y'all and I'm sure to be much improved soon :-)

17 October 2009

103 fever and the sun doesn't change

The world spins, the seasons change, the sun comes up and the game goes on.
Philosophic glances always seem to come easier when one is sad or sick. There has to be some reflective in that thought, too.
I never considered that just being home and having few worries (or exams) would feel like this...heh.
Have you ever had a headache that last 3 days? I haven't before, but you do kinda get used to a pain being there and causing a deep furrow between your eyes. Can't focus very well and am sick and tired of ginger ale....
Go Longhorns. Beat Oklahoma.

15 October 2009

Tired and hot

I can tell it's colder outside because the windows are kinda fogging up from the bath I took.  My ears are hot, still have a headache, and so tired.  Good thing is that I don't have much of that - 'I'm behind and can't catch up feeling'- bothering me right now.

It's weird how when you get sick you just feel so poorly that it's hard to imagine what it felt like before.  The prior posts have helped, oddly, to try and remember what I was thinking and feeling when I wrote them.

...and now up again, not so amazing since I've been asleep almost all day long, but still strangely tired.

...and disappointed.  The game on Saturday which I'd anticipated attending is going to be enjoyed by another heartier fan than me.  I knew this yesterday as the reality of this stuff set in - so I just gave my two tickets away without so much as a hint of emotion.  Hoping to be improving and able to watch on TV because it should be a good game.

102 on the funny ear clicking thermometer...even music is kind of unpleasant - how could that be?  How could I let myself get sick?  Oh, gosh... I hope that I don't infect anyone else.

14 October 2009

Meh - small things

Wakes quietly without an alarm
Small sniffs - no coffee made
Senses all the limbs attached
Smiles for no reason
Was that thunder?
Hears a neighbor singing poorly
Wonders how many people are awake
Not hungry
Not thunder...
Wonders how many are hungry
Wants more purpose
Wants to help someone
Rolls out
Push ups
Laughs just to get started
Turns on the radio
Vida la Vida
Laughs again
Settles for trying to get people laughing
Small things today

What is this?
Headache, dizzy...


13 October 2009

Where the heck is Athens, GA?

Since Sunday I've been greedily watching REM's videos on youtube whenever I open a new browser. Omgosh, these guys have some great songs/videos. Guess that I'm missing some of my own words and grabbing some lyrics for thought even though I'm fully aware that I shouldn't be using song lyrics like advice...

Life is bigger

It's bigger than you

And you are not me

The lengths that I will go to

The distance in your eyes

Oh no I've said too much

I set it up

That's me in the corner

That's me in the spotlight

Losing my religion

Trying to keep up with you

And I don't know if I can do it

Oh no I've said too much

I haven't said enough

I thought that I heard you laughing

I thought that I heard you sing

I think I thought I saw you try

Every whisper

Of every waking hour I'm

Choosing my confessions

Trying to keep an eye on you

Like a hurt lost and blinded fool

Oh no I've said too much

I set it up

Consider this

The hint of the century

Consider this

The slip that brought me

To my knees failed

What if all these fantasies

Come flailing around

Now I've said too much

I thought that I heard you laughing

I thought that I heard you sing

I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream

That was just a dream

11 October 2009

Dammit...Media World...

"...In regards to the U.S. Men’s National Team’s match against Honduras on Oct. 10, the rights are owned by the Honduras federation, which chose to sell the U.S. television rights, in both English and Spanish, to a company which opted to broadcast via closed circuit feed only. As a result, the match will not be televised by any network or cable channel. While U.S. Soccer would prefer the match be more accessible to fans, we have no broadcast rights in this instance...."

A little oddness this morning...It's cold and wet because winter is coming, and one of my roommates turned off the heat last night...so it's cold in here, too.  And I woke up a little pissed about something, but I don't know what.  Things went well yesterday in the 3 games that I cared about..............tho, I couldn't watch the last one at home, and had to find a crowded pub in which to celebrate because the game was only seen on closed-circuit TV....ugh....

But that's not it, I don't think.  Reading the news of the day, and just being on the internet for 30 minutes, and my mind's stinking..............  Well...I'm glad that it's a church morning, then, I suppose.  I'm going to a regular service that's only 2 blocks away...the prayer should do me some good.

Here...let's celebrate the heroes from yesterday:

"God and Saint Palermo saved us" - Diego Maradona

Martin Palermo's go ahead goal in about the 94th minute lifted Argentina above Peru and kept them alive in World Cup Qualifying.  One goal - 2 heroes

After a scoreless first half in an emotion filled stadium in Honduras, Conor Casey scored the first goal for the US team.  He took a sweet pass from Landon Donovan to score a 2nd go ahead goal.  Landon scored again on a penalty kick, and then the win was preserved when Honduras missed on their late penalty kick effort.

After falling to 14-3 in the first quarter on a blocked punt and a fumble by quarterback, Colt McCoy, the Longhorns took charge in the 2nd half.  Colt led the team to a smothering 38-14 win before 100,000 in a cold and sometimes drizzly, Austin home game.

10 October 2009

Can't Keep Up

One of the things that I'd hoped to get into in Austin is the wealth of venues for indie bands.  Last weekend's festival only served to wet my appetite and now desire to head out to a club every night.  Well... that's not going to happen, and it was easy to decide that Friday night would be the chosen (1 night per week) even though Thursday is great and Saturday holds the "bigger name" bands.  I'd miss too many Friday classes and Sunday churches if other than Friday.

I've only been awake for about an hour now (it's just past 1:00 PM) and can't reach any of the three people that I went with last night (they dropped me off and were going to stay out all night).  I was up past 3.00 by the time I settled down and got my self scrubbed and brushed... and was certain that was plenty.

These other 3 were animals -sorta- about hitting venues, dancing,  and scoring cheap tickets and meeting the band members (if they didn't know them already).  We went to Antone's last night to enjoy some guys I'd seen in Dallas a few times - Rhett Miller and Salim Nourallah + Constellations.  It was absolutely fantastic!  It's weird that the same bands can play in Deep Ellum in Dallas and then here, but the show is so different.  So, yeah... I'm sold on getting into this thing, but I'm pretty sure that I can't handle it any more than one night a week - if that much!

Already...I'm trying to clear the night fuzz away so that I can get my studies done today.  It's imperative because I'm going to have 2 TV's going beginning at 5:00 PM.  Argentina plays Peru in a World Cup qualifying match tonight in Buenos Aires (guess who has to win).  This is a huge day worldwide for "futbol" qualifying games.  Germany is in the finals (surprise...), and England, playing short a man, has been upset already, as has been Scotland.

...and in college football UT plays Colorado beginning at 6:15 (had to trade my tickets!).  CO spoiled a season once recently... these are both "must win" games.

Back in World Cup qualifying... a later match... the U.S. is favored to beat Honduras beginning at 9:00.  Okay, so... go ARG (ed. yay! ARG 2, PER 1 << o!m!gosh! Palmermo scored in the 94th minute in a downpour...), go U.S. and go TEXAS!! (ed. yay! TEX 38, COL 14 <

Oh, BTW... you can just try and ignore most of yesterday's post when I was trying to stuff a great song into an equation - I don't know crap about the mechanics of a good tune..., but I kinda do know whats I likes... :-)


09 October 2009


-a class canceled and nothing to do except waste time and listen to music-

This time...about the music of Coldplay (you knew that already didn't you?). I heard Viva la Vida on the radio again this morning - Happy Friday! - and I'd already been wondering what it is that makes me want to play that particular single over and over again?

Okay...so here it goes with a few common themes in music that really turn my volume dial... (Go easy on me cuz ima musical juvenile, but I knows what I likes, heh...).

Start with a simple melody - you know... the kind that can get stuck in your head like a lullaby.

Add a second simple melody which creates harmonic resonance with the first melody and one or two distinct dissonant beats where the waves fall together to create a perceived beat. I've known about this technique since I was 12 or so because I'd read a short book about J.S. Bach on music and math - two loves. That naturally led to a delight of Mozart and Beethoven's creations and the 3 have since been my favorite composers. Work on out the list with Haydn, Chopin....

Okay...back to Viva la Vida.... I appreciate a tempo or even a key change to add drama to the otherwise slow build. And then drop back down to continue playing "the story" in its full drama.

Rich vocals - words - I've mentioned off and on through the years that words, if written alongside classical masterpieces, could further set them out as wonders to students of literary devices. Opera, if I could handle it, moves hard to that direction, but it's usually just too complicated and sloppy to me.

The lyrics to Viva la Vida play to my love of a just revolution...easy there...I'm not an anarchist, but was raised on a steady diet of the status quo. In the last 2 years I've tended to listen more intently to notions of injustice and potential solutions against all odds. I've always been a fan of the underdog and will easily defend someone who asks for help or clearly needs protection or defense.

Those words...they're not all about revolution, though... Yeah, and the story is told from the perspective of a fallen leader who now sees the error of his brazen ways. He's to be pitied, perhaps, but I hear it as a reason to rail against all brazen leaders...attempting to enlighten them because it's only their perspective which has them acting in their current ill-formed manner.

"It was the wicked and wild wind, blew down the doors to let me in, shattered windows and the sound of drums, people could not believe what I'd become"

...and then there's the question of the church (another whole series), but I love the church and the wonderful ways and people. It's almost the reverse of those -also present in the church- that tires me so....

"Hear Jerusalem bells are ringing, Roman Catholic choirs are singing, be my mirror my sword my shield, my missionaries in foreign field, for some reason I can't explain, I know St Peter won't call my name, never an honest word, but that was when I ruled the world"

Coldplay tours Latin America in early 2010 and I wanna be a fanboy... hitting every concert. Unfortunately, I'll have school, reading the reviews written in Spanish and Portuguese...and dreaming of having been there.

08 October 2009

Place for Art

One of the bright and easy spots this semester has been my 3-D art class - sorry that I haven't mentioned it as being EX-tremely enjoyable - as other things have somewhat overshadowed the joy therein. I think this marks my 15th consecutive year of art classes having started as a 4 year old tot-artist!
We've been working with wire and trying to create volume and stability out of the tiny lines so I immediately went with an oak tree to start with imagined strength...and ended up incorporating roots to add some fun. You can't really see them, but there are little figures strewn about on the tree to add personality.
It's looking like I may have a deal to trade two home game tickets for Texas-OU tickets - the game in Dallas in a little over one week. I'd really like to go because it is a huge game that I've been to before and also means a trip home....

06 October 2009


By light
The dream
So less
Is seen
No more

05 October 2009

Uck, uck, uck...

People were largely barefooted in the mud and they said it was curiously slippery.  The grass was still under the layer of mud (odd) and somehow the mud seemed to come right up through the roots somehow.  Someone told me this morning why the mud smelled so bad yesterday...  So, so happy (as usual) that I didn't grow up as a geophagist! 

04 October 2009

Huge, Sloppy Festival

We're slowly making our way toward the shuttle buses now after an amazing afternoon in Zilker Park. Rockin' in the Free World!

The Toadies and Pearl Jam were awesome crowd pleasers!!!

The mud - oh, the mud - my blackberry has been inside of a ziplok baggy all day - and I'm covered in mud.

Doesn't smell too good, either..., but whay fun. Have a few pics to show, but know ther are others that captured this thing better.Wish that I'd taken this pic, but I didn't get into the middle of the mud pit like these guys.

So tired...

03 October 2009

Simple Philosophy?

Had another interesting chat with K yesterday afternoon sitting at the end of the west mall whilst being "serenaded" by one of the more omnipresent street preachers.  She's been delighting me over the last few days with snippets of her "simple philosophy" - really just the way she sees some things.  Told her that she'd be talking over the street preacher as I made a little video of him - kinda tickled her - somewhat ironic.  Tell me what you think about what she says here...

02 October 2009

Olé & Isso Sim for South America & Brasil

Might sound like I'm dissin' Chicago and, really, the greater Chicago area and Wisconsin - Tokyo - Madrid (and I'm NOT), but I'm kinda pleased that the Olympic Games will finally be hosted in South America a few years from now... a long wait and ready-making for 2016!

I know... like Brazilians really need a reason to celebrate, and it should be lotsa fun - chances are that I'll try and be there for some of the events, too (won't you?).  7 years is almost too long to get ready, tho.  The cost: a few billion $ U.S., and all of the political posturing and anti-posturing to go along with that sum.  In the end there will have been many government programs which suffered in order to direct the funds necessary to show well for the world.  It always seems to work out, tho, for the betterment of the host region and commerce in general.

Friends who've been to any South American country return and rave about the beauty and hospitality.  Push aside the poverty and Brazil is well known for its friendly people, beautiful beaches, fabulously varied terrain and amazing dining experiences.  And WOW! the 2014 Copa del Mundo will also be hosted by Brazil??! - these two global focus events should set quite the stage for the whole continent!

Tourism to the entire region should advance considerably in the years leading up to the events, as well.  Travel related industries, and businesses proficient in carving niches for catering to tourists in many languages should benefit immeasurably over the next 10 years, at least.

Big cities too!  Rio and Buenos Aires have approximately 13 million  residents (!), Sao Paolo is 11 million, and pretty little Curitiba is 2 million.  So don't anyone think that you're visiting rain forests unless you'll be making a significant side trip (see the falls above)- most of us (foreign tourists =p) will be visiting the whole region over the course of two or three weeks and doing our best to spend lots of savings!

Love it, or not so... the world will know Rio and its neighbors for a generation or more.  OMGosh this is so exciting!!

01 October 2009

...and After the Bad

Storm which caused the tornado sirens to go off, and quickly flooded everything...there appeared this rainbow :-)

This whole week thus far has been mostly like a storm even though it's been a sunny and altogether nice fall week.  I'm quite pleased to see the rainbow now that tests, quizzes, papers, reading, more reading, and more reading have passed.

Tomorrow better be a good Friday....

Most of the grand camping weekend memories have passed now, too, but I've met up with a new friend a few short times.  She's a Philosophy grad student from a small country on the shore of the eastern Mediterranean Sea.  It seems that I'm becoming obsessed with seeing things in people that remind me of other people.  The similarities and reminders are everywhere, and it's kinda making me a lil nutz.  Does that happen to you?

I had two cupcakes for lunch today (that's not lunch!), but had to have them because of a short convo I had once about cupcake craving - and they were very yummy.  There have been cupcakes in blogs, cupcakes in tweets and cupcakes sold on the drag, and there was even a cupcake in a dream.  My friend, K, humored me by getting a cupcake, too, and she said it was okay....  Didn't expect her to gush, tho, because she's a self-proclaimed bitch (I don't see it that way...she's just opinionated).  K sounds familiar, acts familiar, was raised in a religious home and is now an atheist, likes to laugh, despises most people because she's impatient, and thinks that most people must certainly hate her, too, but I know that couldn't possibly be true - because I think she has some rather endearing qualities.  But back to my point: isn't it just plain annoying to be reminded of someone that you're trying to forget?