...another perspective on obsessions

Winter Doldrums

2011-01-07T14:16:00.000-06:00

2010-02-24T21:13:00.000-06:00

Crunch crunch

2010-02-13T21:10:00.000-06:00

Short vid walking around in the snow and finding some beaver tracks

Thawing out

2010-02-12T15:44:00.000-06:00

It has been another day of fun, fun, fun in the snow... day. I'm so pleased that we decided to come early because it's melting pretty fast.
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We measured out a little over a foot based on what stacked up on the cars.
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We've all been acting like little kids today and the chance to laugh out loud with everyone has been soooo good.
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Kat and mom seem to be getting along well with Gia, though I never doubted that they would.
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Headed to the movies here in a bit because the power is still out for about 150,000 homes (ours included).
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Ciao,
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Ric

Blogging by the fire

2010-02-11T22:05:00.000-06:00

And in the dark, except for the flickering candles.

The last few weeks passed quickly, without a plan, and without incident.

The spring semester kinda started with a shudder and my emboldened stunt to force myself into preparing for classes seems to be working. You see...there was a moment there when I didn't care.

Three tests this week, a paper turned in and a pop quiz went well enough that I was comfortable skipping whatever the classes tomorrow will hold. It had been raining in Austin and snowing in Dallas since about midnight. Everything was a little dreary today and it was easy to convince Gia that we were not leaving much on campus if we boogied out early for the long weekend to meet my family and others in Dallas.

Believe me when I say that it doesn't snow much in Texas. So it was surreal to hear on the radio that we were driving into the largest single day snowfall in Dallas history with totals of a foot expected by midnight in some parts. Of course that's not anywhere near the 3 feet already on the ground in Pennsylvania or the 2 feet in Illinois, Michigan... It is enough, though, to shut down a southern city and drive the population to anything with an incline - to slide like a child.

We all had some great fun with an epic snowfight replete with snowforts built for protection, snowmen at the guard, hundreds of snowballs in each arsenal and hot chocolate afterward until one couldn't drink anymore.

Our snowgear hadn't been used much this season having foregone a trip to any ski resort, yet... It's all hanging on the back porch drying close to one of the warm chimneys in which were busy burning all of the firewood that I busily cut and stacked when it was warmer.

And now it's quiet except for the girls talking softly in another room - the power went out earlier - and I've built a mighty fine fire in the main fireplace. I'm comfortable now, and feeling that it should be a very good 4 days away from school.

Ciao,

Ric

imagine

2010-02-11T07:14:00.000-06:00

Black on Monday

2010-02-08T10:23:00.000-06:00

man's desiring

2010-02-07T08:29:00.000-06:00

2010-02-05T20:26:00.000-06:00

1year1

2010-02-02T10:51:00.001-06:00

Is It Spring, Yet?

2010-01-19T11:24:00.008-06:00

So... to celebrate the first day of our spring semester... I skipped my 3 classes....

Actually, I'd already contacted each of my professors and asked them to make their class challenging because I intended to challenge them... and then I skipped.

Nice, huh?

And so it begins. Where are you, friend?

Follow up: was introduced on Wednesday by my Psych professor as the one to beat...or study with... Nice!

14 Jan 2010: high Highs and low Lows

2010-01-15T10:53:00.016-06:00

I'm kinda pleased to have made it through yesterday without getting physically hurt....

I've thought a little about trying to stay in between the lines just to avoid the low lows. It's too boring in there and you'll miss so many of the high highs in the process is my theory.

Yesterday began before the prior day had ended, I s'pose. Just had some extra adrenaline in the corpus as I neared the end of a novel that I started to re-read over the weekend. The fictional story of David Copperfield is fairly amazing - so I'll count that as a high.

It was late, and wasn't sleepy so I kinda tossed my availability out on the net and so began a great mixture of chats, DMs, skype-ing and email exchanges that pretty ran the range of emotions and stuff shared. I was reading reports from Haiti in between and had already agreed to help in a little phone bank effort that had been hastily put together at church. Thanks for all o y'all keeping me going until almost 5 in the morning - most of it was extremely enjoyable :-). An hour later I was up again...low.

[Burying my nose in that novel partially came from my stunted ability to communicate my thoughts and actions effectively since about 1-01-2010. Sometimes one just has to stay out of the flow, you know? Started another novel this morning for the same reason.]

I consider the time to read and the availability of great reads to be a luxury and am constantly thankful for that. Sometimes, though, the reading doesn't work. So I turn back to music again. Fortunately, music always works - not quite sure what I'd do if it didn't.

But back to yesterday.... The event at church taking calls from parishioners who were responding to an email appeal was nothing short of the most generous set of gestures I'd ever witnessed firsthand. Mostly it was the older, wealthier people in the church who were responding, but I also talked with a 10 year old boy who called to give the money that he'd received as a Christmas gift. All totaled - I talked with 50+ people and wrote down pledges of $42,105 + 500,000 airline miles from the grandmother of a friend of mine. Highest of highs... that is still warming me as I recount the conversations.

Had to visit a relative after that as a follow-on call wherein I was told that what I probably needed "was a good ass-whipping". Really? Hadn't experienced that in recent memory and to hear those words coming from her mouth rates as a low low, for sure.... Now, obviously, she was upset with a decision that I was making, but to jump to the need for physical harm coming from the lips of someone who loves me...gives me considerable pause. She couldn't mean that, no..., but she never apologizes nor does she take back what she's said :-(

Had a small car accident - someone decided to ram into the back of my mom's Suburban (again) at a stop light - how on Earth could you not see it?!! They lost the battle and dad says that we won't even be taking it to the shop. The other driver didn't have insurance (so he's mad at me?). All it did was scratch our bumper, but it crushed the other car's front end. Dad had to ask me if the light was red or green - duh...red...low.

The firewood stacking and the exercise was good except I almost lost some fingers when the axe missed it's mark once and bounced. Gotta be more careful. Coulda been extremely low.

Got a crazy "wish you were here" email and photo from Italy. Grrrr...low.

Was home alone for a while and greeted a neighbor who thought to bring us some cookies she baked in thanks for the pecans we gave her family at Christmas. Told her I made them! Jeebus - she stole a kiss as I was looking at her cookies! Hi!

Was reminded throughout the day that ambiguity of words reigns supreme on the internet. Too many lows to count as I explained that I'm not a meanie and choose not to try and be sarcastic when txting - unless it's obvious!!! Mix of highs and lows.

And then there's you....

What was that... he blogged?

2010-01-12T20:38:00.003-06:00

Getting into a serious bout of daily exercise is a daily obsession that usually helps all kinds of things. The tennis of the weekend, however, has my shoulders and forearms hurting and the bike ride yesterday paid me back today with cracked and (ugh) bleeding knuckles, ears, nose and lips. Haven't ever gone that far in that kind of cold, and didn't have a riding partner to suggest more sensible methods of getting the exercise. So I read for eight hours today (<3 Dickens), but every time I got up or talked to someone - something else didn't go right. S'pose it's possible that each of you has had similar days so the details and the ughs will just go unmentioned.

It's odd, but almost with the turning of the calendar page, I lost the ability to perceive things with "usual" clarity, too. I commenced to ask myself more and more and more questions. Fortunately, it's not the first time that I've had my mind go into hyperdrive; Otherwise, I might be completely unsettled.

It's almost as though I have too much time free to discover details on every little occurrence and attempt to place it's significance. She, we, they, them, did, had, loved, because....

I'm not supposed to be here.... Is what I've heard myself saying to myself since last Friday. Dunno if you recall (or even were aware that) I'd planned a trip to Italy in the fall and the trip "went on without me" this week. Dwelling on the past doesn't happen much in my head, but focusing in little bits on each day of what was to have been a reward for doing well in the fall... keeps popping in throughout the day. I've been unable to get the replacement trip planned (good way to divert) and my communications have just been getting worse and worse as these cold winter days in 2010 each pass. I think that I may have lost a friend right after Christmas, too, and probably a few more in the months before that. Friends come back, though, or I go to them.

School starts up again next Tuesday and I've been preparing to put some direction into place on several agenda items. Wishing now that I'd been able to plan better for what might have happened this week - you know... if I were here instead of there....

Need To Focus

2010-01-04T12:13:00.010-06:00

Thinking the spring semester can't start soon enough 'cuz I'm all over. Do you wonder about any of these things or say them to yourself?

What's my ideal amount of sleep?
Think I love Corvettes.
Hydro...Wave power is the ticket!
Ooohh...she's extremely attractive.
25,000 miles per hour is not slow.
Why do I love green...and blue?
Think I was just driving too fast.
Jiji- and thus I was transformed...
Thank you!
I wanna ski...at the Olympics...
Cowboys!!
Longhorns!!!
Good dog...
That's an unattractive design.
Maybe it's better inside.
Lovely shape :-)
Dibble, dibble, dopp...
So tired...good pain, tho...
Need to take more pictures
Need to finish that painting, too
Those branches need trimming.
Ha! She did-not-just-say-that...
These pants don't fit right
Why did that happen?
She loves me...or does she?
Origami for a friend...
Should I go ahead and get a new computer?
When's my next trip? Where?
Where's the proof that I'm sane?
Why do batteries cost so much?
Need more hugs, I think.
Was he really trying to be mean?
Why are Mondays so different?
Pause... *prays*
How do we capture more of the Sun's power?
What do I want to be?
Is it important that I earn a lot?
Can a job be enjoyable?
Gotta listen to more music.
Return his call
I could clean that up right now.
Need to go camping...NAO!
*Smiles*
Nope...she doesn't love me.
Would our cat eat me, if he could?
Need another looooong shower...
How soon before I realize winter is ending?
Does she even care?
I've GOT to stop doing that!
Need to be more efficient.
Do I tell her everything, or just enough?
How long will I live?
Will I do something universally good...ever?
Touch
Smell
Breathe
Breathe

Haha! Did that just happen?

2009-12-11T09:33:00.005-06:00

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Another loud song just unexpectedly rocked my Friday morning - get this - immediately before a Calculus II final?!! ...
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Rah, rah, ah, ah, aa-ah... Hahahhaa...
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A Day in the Life

2009-12-08T06:29:00.006-06:00

I love you

2009-11-20T06:18:00.000-06:00

Like the rain that cools and quenches the earth
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Like the gentle morning sun that rises each day
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Like the early birds that sing their happy little songs
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Like the smiling guys making breakfast tacos every single day
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Like the barista girls at the off-brand coffee shop - wink, wink
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Like the cooling of the breeze at the first change of the season
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Like the feeling of that breeze flopping my hair because I don't care
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Like the 3rd mile of a short 5 mile run
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Like the kids laughing on their way to kindergarten - they have no cares
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Like, liking as it turns into love
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Yeah...there's always more...
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2009-11-09T20:46:00.006-06:00

Not sure I've ever really believed that all things happen for an explainable reason, but at the same time I don't believe that anything is completely random, either. Parts of those beliefs fly in the face of physics as we know it...
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I do look for trending...everywhere. My sleeping trend seems to be moving toward everyone's death. I'm quite tired of it now and even postpone getting into bed for fear of witnessing who's going next.... Last night she was another unknown who seemed to be an acquaintance - maybe someone from one of my classes.

No one seems to die horribly as if suffering from a tragic accident or attack - so I guess that I have that not so bad thing going.... Real life tidbits show up memorably from last night that have me wondering about this poor person. I'm not responsible for what takes them away - but every time there's the sense that a conundrum besets me and the solution to save her is within me. I'm vexed again, and she's lost.
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I've got to do better - I've got to get something clearly right - I've got to sleep and wake with every one of us making it through the night....
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Clouds Roll In

2009-11-08T21:02:00.004-06:00

Saturday was near perfect in weather (breezy day and cool at night), company and thought - haha...; Thought a lot anyway....

The clouds rolled into the Texas hill country early this morning and after a short while the sun was only peeking through them occasionally. Ah well... we needed some more rain anyway. It had been several days since the last downpour.

I was happy to have the room to bring the fancier set-up stuff with parking near enough to the camp sites that there was little concern about bringing too much. So...it was kinda campy-posh with lots of cooking, chairs around the fire and even canoes for exploring the edges and inlets of the lake. Yes...that's a rug in my tent - haha...wasn't showing off, really. It just feels so good on your toes on a cool night (brought the propane heater, too...).

I'd been thinking over the last several days that either something was missing, or I wasn't growing, or needed some thought change, or...I dunno...something better. Lazing about in the canoe and reading, thinking and reflecting on the happenings of the week was pretty darn good. Wish that each of you could have been there - maybe in another canoe nearby doing the same thing I was doing, or something else more your style.

Met a few really nice people this time, too. A sibling of a classmate from Austin was maybe the best surprise meeting and conversation. Don't you just love meeting new folks and going deep right away - skip right by the chit-chat, where u from, what's your major...blah, blah? Good stuff and opportunity to roll some recent thoughts and advice right into the discussion. Kinda miss that during the week with everybody so focused on his/her own stuff and only 5 minutes to catch up. We ended up staying up pretty late, listening to music, dancing around the fire and watching the stars...some shooting on the clear night. The strange howling of coyotes in the distance had us moving into the tents shortly before sunrise - short "night".

So...we rolled up the tents and packed all of the stuff away this morning as had been planned and made our way back to Austin to get into some studying that was starting to nag me - I did get some philosophy reading in yesterday and that lightened my work to a meager 6 hour stint today :-P
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I've really been enjoying everyone's happy tweets and tales of the weekend that I took in on the short ride home :-). Y'all have really made me proud and the occasional mention of your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/hopeful-other made me grin each time...so keep that up!
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Monday...yup...it's almost here. Be good, y'all.

Some Time Alone

2009-11-07T22:01:00.000-06:00

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This is a back water area where I've been reading alone for the last hour or so. The sounds, the fresh natural smells and the sighting wildlife, mainly fish and fowl, have me feeling extremely serene.
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A lot of guys might say this is just nasty in here, but I think it's wonderful....
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What do you do when your perspective is challenged? Both are easily true positions. What if you're questioned by someone you love? How easily do you go about explaining multiple perspectives of the same thing?
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The Weekend Approach-eth...

2009-11-06T06:51:00.001-06:00

I Need to Run Longer Today...

2009-11-05T06:18:00.002-06:00

Do You Ever Feel Like Popeye?

2009-11-04T06:20:00.002-06:00

Slept Like a Baby

2009-11-03T06:45:00.001-06:00

So when I woke from a really, really good sleep filled with wonderful dreams the Hunter's Moon was still out there - could've hunted all night, I suppose.

Up reading some news for the first time in a while - ugh... doesn't look like I missed much. Happy to see the Phillies putting up a fight (NYY lead series 3-2). Not really much of a Phillies fan, though, and just pulling for an underdog here.

Have a test again today, and I'm a little jittery about it - odd, because I'm almost over-studied. Ok, okay... gonna do it. It's been over 3 weeks since I ran, fully ran and need to do it. That oughta knock the jitters clean out, too. Okay... maybe I'll come back later and add to this post because there's not much here so far....

Back... might've done extremely well on the test. Cannot think of a single thing missed and the post-test review had me wondering.

Trying to figure out whether or not my absentee ballot had any bearing on the un-dramatic outcome of 11 state constitutional amendments and a random school board district position. There have been some good results in other places, though. That should make for some good news reading in the morning, perhaps.

What an excellent day - Rare, indeed, from start to finish. Prayers tonight may include a little something for another day like this one if I'm allowed to be so specific. Thank you!

Woo-hoo... It's a full moon tonight!

2009-11-02T18:52:00.005-06:00

Stepped out of the library a short while ago and it was dark.... It capped an interesting day, I was thinking, that the full moon peeked in between the live oaks and ash all around campus. Not sure that I've been happier to see the fullness and brightness of the moon on Monday night. Have you seen the moon tonight? It's the same one that I just saw. It wasn't like a normal Monday, and it was good!! The sugariness in my body has been slowly dissipating and have been wondering if reality is soon to follow. Maybe soon, but not today - not tonight!

You know how I feel? Do you? I feel like a puppy with her ears flapping and hair streaming in the wind as she points her nose forward - that's a pretty good feeling don't ya think? How do you get that feeling? It's simple things, right? Just a very small amount of well-timed external stimuli, maybe....

Not a Highly Metaphysical Man (...not blogging...I know...)

2009-11-01T19:25:00.005-06:00

Tonight's gonna be a Good good night - just gotta feeling...

2009-10-31T08:16:00.000-05:00

I'm Scared

2009-10-30T07:07:00.000-05:00

I've been up since about 4.00 - result of an appropriately scary sleeping episode...

It's worked out okay, I guess, because there was some reading that was so boring it didn't get done on Wednesday after it was assigned.

But back to the nightmare.... I've been much more likely to have wonderful, colorful, dreamy dreams than anything else while I'm sleeping. This one was especially unsettling because someone died, and I couldn't do anything to stop it. Pretty certain that I'm going to have to study up on some dreams now because it doesn't make any sense at all to me. Up for about 3 hours now and it still won't go away. I'm really confused because it doesn't seem to have anything to do with what's been going on during my waking hours. This has been a really busy, achievement oriented, nee - people seeing and meeting, generally happy week. Now this...why?

On the gleeful side - I've never been happier to wake and find that it was all made up :-)

Kandy Karma

2009-10-29T05:46:00.000-05:00

Had this other silly theory about why certain holidays cause giddiness leading into them. The waning days before All Souls Eve is one of the best as a kid... and here we are. It still goes on. Easter and Christmas are two others laden with sweets.

I think it's sugar. Get all healthy like on me and say how bad it is, but when you've got free candy - loads of chocolate - being distributed everywhere for a week - it has to be in the system. Walking around campus I'd say easily half of the backpacks have a few candy bars in them. Look in the trash can in any classroom and there's candy wrappers in them!

So my thought is that such a large percentage of people are feeling good because of our chocolate and other candy intake. If you feel good, then you share that with your neighbor, and so on....

It'll last until about Tuesday or Wednesday of next week, and then there will a huge sugar crash. Look out world! I'm thinking to save some of my free candy and continue to spread it around a little....

Up early doing my review deal - Have a regularly scheduled test today and there was a hint of a quiz in one class on Tuesday. If you couldn't tell - Ima test lover - hope you have summa your own fun today, too!

2009-10-28T07:02:00.001-05:00

Had to get up earlier to review notes.... Two make up tests today, and I feel wonderful. This one (somehow) hit me right and can't get it out of my head.

Wow... This is still stuck in there... First test went extremely well!

Meeting a nice friend for lunch (rare) and expecting that this is going to be a day to remember!

Outside is Good

2009-10-27T17:59:00.002-05:00

So it came to finding the right place for study after classes and the weather today made the decision easy. It was about 72 and clear blue skies - the South Mall, definitely...

Being able to lie on my back and read then roll over to write down some notes - coughing a little in between each motion - was just perfect. I've been out here for about 3 and a half hours and feel like going up the street to get my tent and stay the night.

After the first hour - had the distinct feeling that I had been here like this before, but I hadn't - not with this perfect temperature anyway.

It hit me when I heard the conversation of some girls a short distance away. They laughed as they practiced their french lessons... The weather, the mood - good but not completely at ease, the feeling that I was living in the right time and things are getting better...

It was a lot like that day this summer when we visited the park around the Eiffel Tower in Paris. It was sunny, but not hot - about 72 degrees and perfect.

So I looked around - yes, there were the vendors over there selling treats (and eggrolls), lots of useless birds, some people throwing frisbees, a few couples enjoying each others..., laughing, living. What a nice day made even better with a little imagination.

This is so not funny

2009-10-26T16:15:00.002-05:00

My cough is apparently scary enough that small children would run away at the sound.

Whoever the proctor / librarian was today - asked me to go to the clinic and have them look at me...no bother explaining to him....

I'm able to part traffic from the oncoming pedestrians ambling along in the rain today...

Went back to the apartment to try and study (first time to try that) and emptied the elevator....

Was able to keep it all muffled through my classes and no one kicked me out nor moved further away (was already in the back, right in each class). Once I cleared the classes, it was time to clear the airways. Not sure if the monster contributed to the cough, but now I can't stop it (cough, cough).

Listen to me: do not get this stuff...please do not let yourself get sick. It hurts to take a deep breath, and now I'm feeling a little hurt about the ostracism. Oh, well...at least I like being left alone sometimes.

Other than that noisy issue - it's a regular sloppy, cold, ho-hum sorta Monday where no good smile is returned in kind, tho, I have gotten some crazy looks... Ha!

Gettin' all thinking-ful

2009-10-25T18:25:00.000-05:00

Still working the curiosity of perception and perspective... and prolly always will - it's turned gray today and I'm going back to school as soon as this football game ends....

Last week, well... up until 10 days ago, I'd perceived the Dallas home as the place of relaxation where I had plenty to do if I wanted. Thought that there was a sorta hole left here where I once belonged, and that upon my arrival the hole gets filled and it's all good again. Austin, specifically the campus and immediate area, was full of study and a little angst about trying to keep my head above water. The landscape changed dramatically every weekend (wubba, wooba, yays!). Driving away from Austin felt good because I was leaving the stress behind and heading "home".

Beginning Friday it was apparent that there wasn't a hole in Dallas. Life, of course, moved on in my absence and even the family (now a foursome) functioned perfectly without me. Visiting here I was an appendage that seemed to surprise anyone who encountered me in my old bedroom (guest room #2) or on a couch watching the game. It's also kinda boring here without the roomates at each other or a floating group of friends ready to do something at any hour.

Austin then became the oasis in my mind and not the stress pit. If only I could get back there now, then it would be better and maybe I could sleep. I'm looking forward to the drive with dad here in just a little while because I've not had more than 30 minutes with him since spring, I think. It's also the ride to independence of a sorts.

What things are immutable? There has to be a large group of things that don't change regardless of your perspective - right?

Life happens exactly where you are. Pleasing and not so... it's going to happen right on your head, and it doesn't matter what other sort of environmental extras there are. Some so-so realizations include a number of ahas! that you've probably deduced yourself for examples:

- Work is a job and there is no perfect job - school is study and learning on a timetable; one has to make his own fun while doing the work (whistle?)

- Even people on beautiful islands have trouble enjoying rainbows; every place one can live has a preponderance of the things that bug everybody (work, homework, crowding, errands, aggravating people, etc)

- Discovery of one's limitations will soon set in; you're never going to be more handsome/pretty, much stronger, more clever, much funnier, more patient, more appreciative... just because of where one is

- News of the world's disasters and failings will spread from pole to pole in a few seconds; and the news of the good stuff will still take several days

Well... that all seems kinda negative, but here's something else to consider: The fun and glee resides in each one of us and only you can make it come out. There is no locale being in which is going to suck the happy out and put it on your lips if your mind says it hurts. There is no place that is free of sad if you want to get there, too.

How could it be that sitting alone or in a crowd that perspective changing news can dramatically alter your mood? How could it be that music heard at just the right time seems to be the most perfect tune and later the same notes seem way out of place? It's the stuff between your ears.... If it wants you to be happy and finding fun, then it may be found in the simplest of places. ...I'm really trying not to get glum just because I'm heading back into a storm.... Yay! Cowboys win -haha....

do you feel that?

2009-10-23T16:16:00.003-05:00

It's the change of seasons, officially! If it's not raining where you are, then it's likely getting close to the perfect temperature on most days. I Love this time of year = to the time opposite the calendar in April. It feels like love and community - do you feel that? Aaahhhhh............smile.

I'm also a little giddy about making a significant dent in my schoolwork. It's looking like I might actually have it done by the time I get back on Monday :-D Oh, well...still so much to do.

Oh. yeah... was cleared by the doctor to return to action today - cured! I'm still coughing like a bandit and sleepy and a little (ahem!) weak, but I should be able to do some running next week and other things that normal people do!

Last one: This isn't blogging...

2009-10-22T20:20:00.002-05:00

2009-10-22T07:41:00.000-05:00

Mmm mmm good

2009-10-19T13:49:00.001-05:00

My appetite came back this morning and the world looks, sounds and feels different. Found out what happened to all the ginger ale and gatorade that I've been drinking over the last few days, too - ha, ha....

Had a family sized can of chicken noodle soup for lunch and started to feel a little poorly. Went and laid down and listened to some Bach and thought nice things. Started to doze off and then here came the Gatorade - through every pore in my body (uck-sorry). Omgosh - just like I was in a sauna!

Fever is down below 100 and feeling just about wonderful, but a little weak in the knees.

I'm not sure if the soup had anything to do with it, but going to give it some credit. The doctor and nurses yesterday were quite complimentary about everything else and said that I would beat "this" with no problems. I'm pretty sure that prayer helped, too. Thank you if you prayed for me. Prolly put some emphasis on the scientists' anti-virus medicine, too, please.

So...the crazy obsessive running, sports and general exercise and healthy eating might have helped, too, maybe.... The racy heartbeating on Sunday was kinda like a jogging beat and not really as fast as they made it out to be. So the heart got a little workout and my abs got a considerable workout from the coughing.

I'm not going to make light of the potential severity of this virus, tho, because I sure felt badly at times and the high fever and headaches kinda take away one's spirit for a bit. Right now I'm getting happier and continuing to milk the attention from my wonderful mom <3 as I regain my strength over the next few days - weeks?

And there's still a friend who wasn't able to leave the hospital, yet - she and I and another friend, Sammi, were all at the family shelter together, played a long while with the kids, and we all got the flu. Pray for Chloe, please, if you say prayers - thank you.

Don't worry

2009-10-18T14:59:00.001-05:00

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I've been getting worry-ish emails and txts, but I'm okay, okay? I really feel much better today and the shots may be working like they're supposed to be.
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I'm on the way to the hospital right now, but not supposed to stay. The doctor has been checking on me quite often since he lives right down the street from my parents. He just wants to have some tests done, he says, because my heart rate was up this morning.
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There's nothing to be done by anyone except me. I'm sorry about this scary stuff, y'all and I'm sure to be much improved soon :-)

103 fever and the sun doesn't change

2009-10-17T07:58:00.003-05:00

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The world spins, the seasons change, the sun comes up and the game goes on.
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Philosophic glances always seem to come easier when one is sad or sick. There has to be some reflective in that thought, too.
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I never considered that just being home and having few worries (or exams) would feel like this...heh.
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Have you ever had a headache that last 3 days? I haven't before, but you do kinda get used to a pain being there and causing a deep furrow between your eyes. Can't focus very well and am sick and tired of ginger ale....
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Go Longhorns. Beat Oklahoma.
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Tired and hot

2009-10-15T19:16:00.001-05:00

I can tell it's colder outside because the windows are kinda fogging up from the bath I took. My ears are hot, still have a headache, and so tired. Good thing is that I don't have much of that - 'I'm behind and can't catch up feeling'- bothering me right now.

It's weird how when you get sick you just feel so poorly that it's hard to imagine what it felt like before. The prior posts have helped, oddly, to try and remember what I was thinking and feeling when I wrote them.

...and now up again, not so amazing since I've been asleep almost all day long, but still strangely tired.

...and disappointed. The game on Saturday which I'd anticipated attending is going to be enjoyed by another heartier fan than me. I knew this yesterday as the reality of this stuff set in - so I just gave my two tickets away without so much as a hint of emotion. Hoping to be improving and able to watch on TV because it should be a good game.

102 on the funny ear clicking thermometer...even music is kind of unpleasant - how could that be? How could I let myself get sick? Oh, gosh... I hope that I don't infect anyone else.

Meh - small things

2009-10-14T07:26:00.003-05:00

Wakes quietly without an alarm
Small sniffs - no coffee made
Senses all the limbs attached
Smiles for no reason
Was that thunder?
Hears a neighbor singing poorly
Wonders how many people are awake
Not hungry
Not thunder...
Wonders how many are hungry
Wants more purpose
Wants to help someone
Rolls out
Staggers
Stabilizes
Push ups
Laughs just to get started
Turns on the radio
Talking
Talking
Commercial
...
Vida la Vida
Laughs again
Settles for trying to get people laughing
Small things today

What is this?
Headache, dizzy...

No!

Where the heck is Athens, GA?

2009-10-13T08:36:00.003-05:00

Since Sunday I've been greedily watching REM's videos on youtube whenever I open a new browser. Omgosh, these guys have some great songs/videos. Guess that I'm missing some of my own words and grabbing some lyrics for thought even though I'm fully aware that I shouldn't be using song lyrics like advice...

Life is bigger

It's bigger than you

And you are not me

The lengths that I will go to

The distance in your eyes

Oh no I've said too much

I set it up

That's me in the corner

That's me in the spotlight

Losing my religion

Trying to keep up with you

And I don't know if I can do it

Oh no I've said too much

I haven't said enough

I thought that I heard you laughing

I thought that I heard you sing

I think I thought I saw you try

Every whisper

Of every waking hour I'm

Choosing my confessions

Trying to keep an eye on you

Like a hurt lost and blinded fool

Oh no I've said too much

I set it up

Consider this

The hint of the century

Consider this

The slip that brought me

To my knees failed

What if all these fantasies

Come flailing around

Now I've said too much

I thought that I heard you laughing

I thought that I heard you sing

I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream

That was just a dream

Dammit...Media World...

2009-10-11T07:52:00.003-05:00

"...In regards to the U.S. Men’s National Team’s match against Honduras on Oct. 10, the rights are owned by the Honduras federation, which chose to sell the U.S. television rights, in both English and Spanish, to a company which opted to broadcast via closed circuit feed only. As a result, the match will not be televised by any network or cable channel. While U.S. Soccer would prefer the match be more accessible to fans, we have no broadcast rights in this instance...."

A little oddness this morning...It's cold and wet because winter is coming, and one of my roommates turned off the heat last night...so it's cold in here, too. And I woke up a little pissed about something, but I don't know what. Things went well yesterday in the 3 games that I cared about..............tho, I couldn't watch the last one at home, and had to find a crowded pub in which to celebrate because the game was only seen on closed-circuit TV....ugh....

But that's not it, I don't think. Reading the news of the day, and just being on the internet for 30 minutes, and my mind's stinking.............. Well...I'm glad that it's a church morning, then, I suppose. I'm going to a regular service that's only 2 blocks away...the prayer should do me some good.

Here...let's celebrate the heroes from yesterday:

"God and Saint Palermo saved us" - Diego Maradona

Martin Palermo's go ahead goal in about the 94th minute lifted Argentina above Peru and kept them alive in World Cup Qualifying. One goal - 2 heroes

After a scoreless first half in an emotion filled stadium in Honduras, Conor Casey scored the first goal for the US team. He took a sweet pass from Landon Donovan to score a 2nd go ahead goal. Landon scored again on a penalty kick, and then the win was preserved when Honduras missed on their late penalty kick effort.

After falling to 14-3 in the first quarter on a blocked punt and a fumble by quarterback, Colt McCoy, the Longhorns took charge in the 2nd half. Colt led the team to a smothering 38-14 win before 100,000 in a cold and sometimes drizzly, Austin home game.

Can't Keep Up

2009-10-10T13:25:00.008-05:00

One of the things that I'd hoped to get into in Austin is the wealth of venues for indie bands. Last weekend's festival only served to wet my appetite and now desire to head out to a club every night. Well... that's not going to happen, and it was easy to decide that Friday night would be the chosen (1 night per week) even though Thursday is great and Saturday holds the "bigger name" bands. I'd miss too many Friday classes and Sunday churches if other than Friday.

I've only been awake for about an hour now (it's just past 1:00 PM) and can't reach any of the three people that I went with last night (they dropped me off and were going to stay out all night). I was up past 3.00 by the time I settled down and got my self scrubbed and brushed... and was certain that was plenty.

These other 3 were animals -sorta- about hitting venues, dancing, and scoring cheap tickets and meeting the band members (if they didn't know them already). We went to Antone's last night to enjoy some guys I'd seen in Dallas a few times - Rhett Miller and Salim Nourallah + Constellations. It was absolutely fantastic! It's weird that the same bands can play in Deep Ellum in Dallas and then here, but the show is so different. So, yeah... I'm sold on getting into this thing, but I'm pretty sure that I can't handle it any more than one night a week - if that much!

Already...I'm trying to clear the night fuzz away so that I can get my studies done today. It's imperative because I'm going to have 2 TV's going beginning at 5:00 PM. Argentina plays Peru in a World Cup qualifying match tonight in Buenos Aires (guess who has to win). This is a huge day worldwide for "futbol" qualifying games. Germany is in the finals (surprise...), and England, playing short a man, has been upset already, as has been Scotland.

...and in college football UT plays Colorado beginning at 6:15 (had to trade my tickets!). CO spoiled a season once recently... these are both "must win" games.

Back in World Cup qualifying... a later match... the U.S. is favored to beat Honduras beginning at 9:00. Okay, so... go ARG (ed. yay! ARG 2, PER 1 << o!m!gosh! Palmermo scored in the 94th minute in a downpour...), go U.S. and go TEXAS!! (ed. yay! TEX 38, COL 14 <

Oh, BTW... you can just try and ignore most of yesterday's post when I was trying to stuff a great song into an equation - I don't know crap about the mechanics of a good tune..., but I kinda do know whats I likes... :-)

Laterz...

...Ugh...Obsessed...

2009-10-09T12:26:00.005-05:00

-a class canceled and nothing to do except waste time and listen to music-

This time...about the music of Coldplay (you knew that already didn't you?). I heard Viva la Vida on the radio again this morning - Happy Friday! - and I'd already been wondering what it is that makes me want to play that particular single over and over again?

Okay...so here it goes with a few common themes in music that really turn my volume dial... (Go easy on me cuz ima musical juvenile, but I knows what I likes, heh...).

Start with a simple melody - you know... the kind that can get stuck in your head like a lullaby.

Add a second simple melody which creates harmonic resonance with the first melody and one or two distinct dissonant beats where the waves fall together to create a perceived beat. I've known about this technique since I was 12 or so because I'd read a short book about J.S. Bach on music and math - two loves. That naturally led to a delight of Mozart and Beethoven's creations and the 3 have since been my favorite composers. Work on out the list with Haydn, Chopin....

Okay...back to Viva la Vida.... I appreciate a tempo or even a key change to add drama to the otherwise slow build. And then drop back down to continue playing "the story" in its full drama.

Rich vocals - words - I've mentioned off and on through the years that words, if written alongside classical masterpieces, could further set them out as wonders to students of literary devices. Opera, if I could handle it, moves hard to that direction, but it's usually just too complicated and sloppy to me.

The lyrics to Viva la Vida play to my love of a just revolution...easy there...I'm not an anarchist, but was raised on a steady diet of the status quo. In the last 2 years I've tended to listen more intently to notions of injustice and potential solutions against all odds. I've always been a fan of the underdog and will easily defend someone who asks for help or clearly needs protection or defense.

Those words...they're not all about revolution, though... Yeah, and the story is told from the perspective of a fallen leader who now sees the error of his brazen ways. He's to be pitied, perhaps, but I hear it as a reason to rail against all brazen leaders...attempting to enlighten them because it's only their perspective which has them acting in their current ill-formed manner.

"It was the wicked and wild wind, blew down the doors to let me in, shattered windows and the sound of drums, people could not believe what I'd become"

...and then there's the question of the church (another whole series), but I love the church and the wonderful ways and people. It's almost the reverse of those -also present in the church- that tires me so....

"Hear Jerusalem bells are ringing, Roman Catholic choirs are singing, be my mirror my sword my shield, my missionaries in foreign field, for some reason I can't explain, I know St Peter won't call my name, never an honest word, but that was when I ruled the world"

Coldplay tours Latin America in early 2010 and I wanna be a fanboy... hitting every concert. Unfortunately, I'll have school, reading the reviews written in Spanish and Portuguese...and dreaming of having been there.

Place for Art

2009-10-08T12:13:00.001-05:00

One of the bright and easy spots this semester has been my 3-D art class - sorry that I haven't mentioned it as being EX-tremely enjoyable - as other things have somewhat overshadowed the joy therein. I think this marks my 15th consecutive year of art classes having started as a 4 year old tot-artist!

We've been working with wire and trying to create volume and stability out of the tiny lines so I immediately went with an oak tree to start with imagined strength...and ended up incorporating roots to add some fun. You can't really see them, but there are little figures strewn about on the tree to add personality.

It's looking like I may have a deal to trade two home game tickets for Texas-OU tickets - the game in Dallas in a little over one week. I'd really like to go because it is a huge game that I've been to before and also means a trip home....

Day

2009-10-06T07:37:00.002-05:00

By light

The dream

So less

Is seen

No more

Enjoyed

Today

Uck, uck, uck...

2009-10-05T09:10:00.001-05:00

People were largely barefooted in the mud and they said it was curiously slippery. The grass was still under the layer of mud (odd) and somehow the mud seemed to come right up through the roots somehow. Someone told me this morning why the mud smelled so bad yesterday... So, so happy (as usual) that I didn't grow up as a geophagist!

Huge, Sloppy Festival

2009-10-04T22:10:00.005-05:00

We're slowly making our way toward the shuttle buses now after an amazing afternoon in Zilker Park. Rockin' in the Free World!

The Toadies and Pearl Jam were awesome crowd pleasers!!!

The mud - oh, the mud - my blackberry has been inside of a ziplok baggy all day - and I'm covered in mud.

Doesn't smell too good, either..., but whay fun. Have a few pics to show, but know ther are others that captured this thing better.Wish that I'd taken this pic, but I didn't get into the middle of the mud pit like these guys.

So tired...

Simple Philosophy?

2009-10-03T16:16:00.002-05:00

Had another interesting chat with K yesterday afternoon sitting at the end of the west mall whilst being "serenaded" by one of the more omnipresent street preachers. She's been delighting me over the last few days with snippets of her "simple philosophy" - really just the way she sees some things. Told her that she'd be talking over the street preacher as I made a little video of him - kinda tickled her - somewhat ironic. Tell me what you think about what she says here...

Olé & Isso Sim for South America & Brasil

2009-10-02T20:41:00.001-05:00

Might sound like I'm dissin' Chicago and, really, the greater Chicago area and Wisconsin - Tokyo - Madrid (and I'm NOT), but I'm kinda pleased that the Olympic Games will finally be hosted in South America a few years from now... a long wait and ready-making for 2016!

I know... like Brazilians really need a reason to celebrate, and it should be lotsa fun - chances are that I'll try and be there for some of the events, too (won't you?). 7 years is almost too long to get ready, tho. The cost: a few billion $ U.S., and all of the political posturing and anti-posturing to go along with that sum. In the end there will have been many government programs which suffered in order to direct the funds necessary to show well for the world. It always seems to work out, tho, for the betterment of the host region and commerce in general.

Friends who've been to any South American country return and rave about the beauty and hospitality. Push aside the poverty and Brazil is well known for its friendly people, beautiful beaches, fabulously varied terrain and amazing dining experiences. And WOW! the 2014 Copa del Mundo will also be hosted by Brazil??! - these two global focus events should set quite the stage for the whole continent!

Tourism to the entire region should advance considerably in the years leading up to the events, as well. Travel related industries, and businesses proficient in carving niches for catering to tourists in many languages should benefit immeasurably over the next 10 years, at least.

Big cities too! Rio and Buenos Aires have approximately 13 million residents (!), Sao Paolo is 11 million, and pretty little Curitiba is 2 million. So don't anyone think that you're visiting rain forests unless you'll be making a significant side trip (see the falls above)- most of us (foreign tourists =p) will be visiting the whole region over the course of two or three weeks and doing our best to spend lots of savings!

Love it, or not so... the world will know Rio and its neighbors for a generation or more. OMGosh this is so exciting!!

...and After the Bad

2009-10-01T21:03:00.000-05:00

Storm which caused the tornado sirens to go off, and quickly flooded everything...there appeared this rainbow :-)

This whole week thus far has been mostly like a storm even though it's been a sunny and altogether nice fall week. I'm quite pleased to see the rainbow now that tests, quizzes, papers, reading, more reading, and more reading have passed.

Tomorrow better be a good Friday....

Most of the grand camping weekend memories have passed now, too, but I've met up with a new friend a few short times. She's a Philosophy grad student from a small country on the shore of the eastern Mediterranean Sea. It seems that I'm becoming obsessed with seeing things in people that remind me of other people. The similarities and reminders are everywhere, and it's kinda making me a lil nutz. Does that happen to you?

I had two cupcakes for lunch today (that's not lunch!), but had to have them because of a short convo I had once about cupcake craving - and they were very yummy. There have been cupcakes in blogs, cupcakes in tweets and cupcakes sold on the drag, and there was even a cupcake in a dream. My friend, K, humored me by getting a cupcake, too, and she said it was okay.... Didn't expect her to gush, tho, because she's a self-proclaimed bitch (I don't see it that way...she's just opinionated). K sounds familiar, acts familiar, was raised in a religious home and is now an atheist, likes to laugh, despises most people because she's impatient, and thinks that most people must certainly hate her, too, but I know that couldn't possibly be true - because I think she has some rather endearing qualities. But back to my point: isn't it just plain annoying to be reminded of someone that you're trying to forget?

Good Morning, Clouds...

2009-09-26T08:00:00.000-05:00

For me...there's something glorious about waking up outside. The smell of the morning in the hills is fresh and there's a hint of cedar. Someone's campfire is nearby, too, and that smell is wonderful.
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This little hill is between us and our camp site. It's been a lazy little morning hike and some discovery of simple things.
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Life has to include many small doses of things just like this :-)
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Gotta Get Outta This Place

2009-09-25T07:12:00.001-05:00

Before school started I signed up for a few clubs that I thought to try if there was time. There seemed to be two camping/naturalist clubs that were a little better than the others and one of them has a campout this weekend. At the beginning of the week it didn't seem like I would make this one. Mid-week as things intensified (normal) and several friends' lives seemingly unraveled the camping looked highly improbable.

Today... I'm there, and cannot wait to get going. My stuff is loaded in my pack and I'm heading out after the last class with a guy I met and 2 outdoor(sy) co-eds. It's looking like the weather will be dry and warming (been in the 60's and low 70's all week), with about 15 total assorted camping types planning to make the trip. Now... this oughta be interesting!

Another day...

2009-09-24T06:37:00.003-05:00

another test. Lotta writing ahead and subjectivity in the grading - nice - gotta think this time :-)

Was wondering... do you still dream like a kid? One of my dream snippets from last night seemed kinda random. Was at a park playground that I remember from when I was in kindergarten or first grade. Yeah... had an accident and got hurt once so I've been back before, but this was pure fun. Woke up pretty darn happy...too happy for a test day, cloudy skies, upset friends, etc.

I love... the fall season and the cooling days.

I'm pretty sure the dream meant that I should find a swing today - you know, post test stress release...

Call Me... troubled?

2009-09-23T22:08:00.000-05:00

As I sit with furrowed brow

Upon the hard that is of now

And think back past

This time gone fast

Has it gone awry and how

Or is not this place me

And my brow unbending be

Where I go my feet move forth

Path unsure tho mine what worth

So good my life for all to see

Are you doing well?

2009-09-23T07:03:00.004-05:00

I've described to a few people how I feel when getting a perfect grade. It's not what you might think, and it happened again yesterday. I suppose that it's a little ironic that it happened on a test taken while being sick..., but I was kinda over-prepared for the test. Some things...like people things are mysterious to me, but acing a test isn't foreign. There's a lift, then some vindication, sometimes recognition (he gave out my test last and tried to hug me), and then the shame...of going too far. You're completely alone.... Now there's some fairly clear expectations that have been set - that's okay, but you see the looks on the faces of your classmates - they are not happy with me...because they tried hard, too. Can't please everyone, I suppose....

Feeling lonely today...again...

"Tis better...

2009-09-22T05:58:00.003-05:00

to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

Really?

I've been reading poetry just a little bit more since the Summer than I ever have before and Tennyson, has become a favorite writer. Shakespeare and his scores of sonnets were amazing, but Tennyson kinda sums it up without a buncha fluff..., over and over. And then his poems of love lost. It seems to be a more complete thought when you take the whole verse:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

He loved to pair the light and dark, the happy with sad, life with death... yes, a lot of death. So his poetry always leaves me thinking, and a little less than satisfied and hopeful, actually, that there is a place of pure and constant happiness. And wondering about the high, highs and the low, lows. Should we avoid them or seek them hungrily as part of the adventure, the travel, the experience and not try to locate as a destination. And what of all the different types of people, places and things?

‘Shall eagles not be eagles? wrens be wrens?
If all the world were falcons, what of that?
The wonder of the eagle were the less,
But he not less the eagle. Happy days
Roll onward, leading up the golden year.

And questions of our place or purpose:

The world is somewhat; it goes on somehow:
But what is the meaning of then and now?
I feel there is something; but how and what?
I know there is somewhat: but what and why?
I cannot tell if that somewhat be I.

Anyway...a lot of questions and no answers. Part of my growing poetry enjoyment is the sense that I'm drinking the nectar of the fruit without all of the peeling and pulp - sort of efficiency of word.

Y'all have fun..., but not without the not-so-fun...

Yeah..., well, maybe I'll appreciate the next win more...

2009-09-21T08:11:00.000-05:00

They said that there were officially 105,121 people in the new Cowboys Stadium to see the Cowboys lose to a decent Giants team - the largest NFL crowd on record. They hung a 600 ton set of jumbo screens from the ceiling, had dozens of dancers in "cages" for the cheap ($236) seats up high, and everyone who might have been alive and important to the Cowboys was there.

Eli was amazing and Romo wasn't so. It, too, was a great game, and I didn't really wanna get up this morning and remember the loss. I'm up, however, and the memory of that loss is quickly fading - it's being replaced by the memory of much more significant losses - losses that weren't just a football game played for entertainment.

It's got the smell and feel of a Monday for sure around here.

Does a fear of loss make for better appreciation?

2009-09-20T15:11:00.004-05:00

Bigger Game

Yesterday's football game was decidedly better than the home opener against ULM. The annual Tech game has shown to be another good rivalry game every year, and it's usually close in score. Whenever it seemed like we were pulling way out front you could feel the release of tension, but you could also sense that the fun was going out of the stadium to a certain extent. Every time Tech scored it quieted the crowd, and I wondered if we would lose this game, and fall in the rankings, and... lose hope of another national championship. The quiet was immediately followed with what seemed to be an adrenaline boost as we received the next kickoff. And then every time we scored and moved out front by a touchdown or more, the sense of appreciation in winning a hard fought game became more pronounced than before. The win after the ULM blowout didn't seem to carry much pride, but today I'm still feeling like the team did something worthy for the football program. Is that simply because we could have easily lost? (I copied this picture off of the internet because I couldn't get anywhere near the ESPN Gameday area. It was kinda cool being featured)

$%^&*! Server Problems

Whenever I got my computers back online yesterday I was a good deal more appreciative of the simple pleasures available online, too. Whenever my network server goes down it typically doesn't last long, but it also takes down my blackberry service... and I'm toast. I've learned that it's easiest just to walk away from it all and take a break until it comes back up - doesn't do any good to call for a fix because surely one of my family members on the network of about 100 computers and devices is already on top of the problem. Yesterday, though, my pain was more pronounced. I'd volunteered to be a tutor for a group that does virtual tutoring and Saturday was my first day...Fail! My two hour slot was smack in the middle of my 4 hour internet-free blackout...grumble, grumble.... I think that I'll have to send that email that I wrote expressing my extreme displeasure. I'm also looking into "going off of the reservation" and the expense that would go along with it. But, hey, today I'm very thankful.

Of course, Studies...

Mid-week I was suffering a potential loss "of sorts".... As I suffered through my bodily virus attack, and missing classes - I'd begun to lose hope that I could do well this semester.... Now...I'm not writing about simple do-well, but some fairly aggressive goals that would be significantly impacted by dropping one single grade in the trash. The week ended okay, and with yesterday's fairly intense studying I'm thinking it's do-able again...and I'm a little more appreciative of where I sit in my 7 classes.

So... why is it that you have to lose something, or the fear of it, anyway- to be appreciative of it? I certainly don't know....

Catholic Services in Spanish

Today was my third Spanish-only Catholic mass and although I've enjoyed it, I'm going to try another church next Sunday. The parishioner families have been so warm and welcoming, and I'm going to miss seeing several people in particular. This is a congregation which is mostly Mexican immigrant families, and a few assorted other Latin American countries. The progression from outsider to potential member has been fairly quick and I shouldn't be leading myself and them on any longer. My Spanish has gotten a fairly good workout and, of course, that's always good, but there are a few families who showed me today and last week that they really wanted me there...permanently...and I wasn't planning to do that for a few reasons. I haven't been raised Catholic, although about half of my family has been, and I've perceived that this college time is fraught with more choices than I'd imagined. Heck, why not see if I really have a choice right now with religion, I thought - and toss in language at the same time. The reality is that I'm much more comfortable with my conservative Protestant service in English, and so I'll find one close by to try next week.

What is this Major?

I've also been thinking some about the major I'm in and switching (yeah, right, but...better now than never) to ...Architecture. I've always had a keen interested in the design and construction of things, but the career part of it can be...tough. My favorite library has me interacting with quite a few of the guys studying architecture because it's attached to the school of architecture. I suppose that I didn't get here by accident, but it's also the closest big library to my apartment building. And then... there's also this feeling that I don't completely fit in with most of the guys who are in my current major...they don't love physics, science and art like I do. Prolly more on that later.

Well... I have about 3 more hours of study today and should be able to start the week off right, and... watch the Cowboy game tonight without any study related guilt.

Um... y'all have fun, and I'll keep trying to do the same.

Clouds parting?

2009-09-18T19:47:00.000-05:00

it's rained some or a lot every day since Sunday, and I saw this strange bright spot in the clouds just a short bit ago.
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Monday began slowly, skipping two classes and by this afternoon I had skipped every class this week, at least, once. Now maybe that got worked out of the system and won't need to do it again...
.
I think that I made myself sick this week, too. At first it felt like any slump: not sleeping well, sore, unable to run as far without getting tired, but then I had a fever by Tuesday. After the class less parts of Monday, I made every one on Tuesday and prolly gave whatever I had to each group I saw. Wednesday was hard, but Thursday was the worst.
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Not sure that I'd ever been sick without someone nearby who cared. My roommates laughed and left me alone...and then, there wasn't anybody there to make sure I was eating, drinking, showering.... What a mess.
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So I survived and know that it can be done - besides, billions of other guys do it alone.
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My schedule got a little wacky with the extra sleeping, and today began to look more normal...only had to skip that one last class to be at 100% for the week - physics lab - done!
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Yeah...blah

2009-09-12T23:55:00.001-05:00

Stole this from a friend's blog (it's kinda cute, Kim...) and I might delete this post later, but it kinda sums up what I've been thinking for the last few hours

Silent night

2009-09-11T07:13:00.000-05:00

A view from the South mall on a late(r) walk around campus last night.

The rain earlier had done a good job of cooling the surfaces and cleaning...that which needed cleaning.

Should be a decent Friday, tho, quite long. Meeting some friends after my last class and kinda hoping for some fun. I've already decided that I'm going to make some fun today and have fun with anyone who's willing!!

ta-ta!

Salvation in the classroom

2009-09-09T18:24:00.000-05:00

In 2 out of 4 classes today we had a quiz. Now...normally, this wouldn't be that great, but the time investment on the holiday weekend paid some dividends...sigh...of relief and some salvation for doing what I thought was right and not going home for the weekend.

I'm getting (somewhat) accustomed to the idea that I'm going to be studying, like, all the time. The best thing about this is it cuts down on the amount of time that I get spend - just thinking. "Thinking" is usually the time when I get mull over the things that I've done, said, didn't do, etc. and ponder the "great advice" I get about those things. A lot of things kinda seem to work themselves out without dramatic -action- another of my things. I feel that action is what makes things happen...and it might...be the wrong action and the wrong happening.

So...patience and lots of studying, which has proven to be good, and less thinking has me feeling kinda normal and mildly happy tonight. I hope you are, too. ^!^

Library lover

2009-09-08T22:15:00.000-05:00

Finally got a decent shot of my favorite library. Had to decide whether you got to see the orderly tables and lamps (and students) or this crazy, wonderful ceiling! Every surface is a little hard so any little sound tends to carry. That pretty much keeps everyone quiet - with severe purpose - that's kinda funny in itself, to me.

In all 3 of my classes today I waited ever so patiently for the hard question to come out - you know the one that proves you are a little too prepared? Well... it never came. It was as though the profs took the weekend off, or something... what? a holiday? Maybe tomorrow will be different, and I'll get to answer... If not, then I might have to jump out there and start asking them myself!

Seriously...where's the fun in spending a holiday weekend getting a little too prepared for the coming week (geek much)?

Labor Day party

2009-09-08T00:39:00.001-05:00

Had my pleasurable (and rare) nap interrupted by a friend putting together an impromptu pool party.

Her timing was really very good because I had just spent 15 hours of the prior two days studying. The first two weeks of school have been intense at times.
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You kno...I've always said, and believe, that people don't change. Our behaviors, tho, can be somewhat modified. Sometimes, just a little modification is enough. I've been killing myself over a few things, a move and rough school for weeks, and struggling for no good reason, I think.
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Over and over I've been given advice that all sounds the same, and I haven't been listening. Maybe the answer really is staring me right in the face. (thanks for the surprise, self-pic on my phone, Clo!)
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So finally...a good dream...

2009-09-07T13:25:00.000-05:00

My dreams lately haven't been horrible, but you know how some things can be so boring that they can wake you up? Yeah...they've been like that. Lotsa regular school stuff and breaking pencils while taking notes - bike gets stolen from the rack and late to class - thirsty dreams...big deal, right?
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Not sure the cause, but rest, relaxation, being ahead in studies and no roommates may have had a positive impact.
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Prolly have to post this in two or three parts because of the details, and not wanting to forget any part -
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Part I
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Starts at the beach - almost all of my good ones start at the beach - and I'm lying on my back and am more comfortable than ever (more later), but I realize that I'm not even touching the sand. I'm floating a few inches above it and therefore no discomfort whatsoever, and no grit - just breeze and perfection. The waves are coming up and they come up to my feet, and dissipate before they reach my ankles. I can hear seagulls and people playing off in the distance, but when I raise my head to see them there's no one in sight - and I get the sense that it's like a private beach. I shift position to my side and can see rocks nearby that kinda form a niche for keeping out of public view. Now...this is the moment that I realize the comfort thing - there's no swimsuit, but it didn't matter because I was completely alone. Dunno about you, but I'm a little modest so being out there sans everything would be pretty difficult, but I was completely at peace.
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I heard some extra splashing and thought that someone was in the surf running. Opened my eyes and saw another person, but she wasn't running...she was floating, too, and the splashing was caused by her hands - she was playing in the water and floating in my general direction. I really wanted to recognize her, but it was like her hair kept getting in the way as the sea breeze tossed it about. And then I heard her laughing. It was sweet and childlike and unfettered. When she looked over at me it was as though we were on this beach together because she wasn't surprised. She was laughing for me to hear and enjoy so I started to smile, and then chuckle, and then it came - a really loud relief of a laugh that seemed to make the air reverberate - like a movie special effect. She was becoming recognizable as she got nearer. She was spinning slowly in mid air as she floated over - like a dolphin doing underwater tricks except she was flying. The dream either started to take color or I never noticed it before, but her hair seemed to change colors as she came closer and closer. She was now close enough to reach out and touch.
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Wow...time for a nap...

So...here we are...

2009-09-07T11:41:00.001-05:00

Figuring now that I shouldn't feel any pressure to post daily like I had done on a slightly different url.

Was telling a friend last night that as bad as the week beginning can be...mid week has me freaking out each of the last two weeks since classes began. The overwhelming pressure of the classes and workload by Wednesday is stifling and whatever normalcy I previously held is left flatly on a hot sidewalk rushing to class.

Getting outside of town and pushing up the hills is fantastic, but it makes my butt and legs feel like they've never done this before. Think I almost went too far...need to find a friend with whom to ride.

Lotta thinking yesterday and ample sleep since Friday night musta jarred loose some good dreams last night. Revelation coming...maybe more sleep means better dreams because I've been re-living the better parts from last night over and over like good movie scenes ;-)

Y'all keep living the good life!

First home game - easy WIN!

2009-09-06T02:38:00.000-05:00

This first home game wasn't supposed to be a tough one, but I was thrilled to be there! Remember a few games with my grandfather when I was younger and the stadium seemed bigger - haha - but omgosh, it was huge!! Said that there were over 100,000 in attendance and the 53rd straight sell-out crowd.

Since the game was a walk-over, it was a pretty good party and people-watching experience. Thought for sure that I'd see lots of guys I knew, but only saw 4 or 5 - another haha.

This shot before the game was just a bunch of nervous energy - TEXAS - FIGHT from side to side and lotsa "can't wait for this to start" feeling.

Blog buddies...

2009-09-06T02:01:00.000-05:00

So... I'm blogging for one less reader now. Many, many apologies to all for disappearing and then deleting an entire google account (don't ever do that, yourself). I'll endeavor to get the pics back on here for those of you who appreciated them the most. I also have a few posts that I did and are just saved under draft that I should have some time to get up here, too.

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Y'all be happy and have some more fun, okay?
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Loving the Architecture

2009-08-21T11:08:00.000-05:00

I suppose that the building's on campus aren't that fancy, but they built a lotta of 'em in the 20's and 30's in a sorta mission style and I just love them. I'll have to take some pictures of my favorite library - so far - Battle Hall. It got it's name because they had pep rallies in and around it several decades back, the detail is great, the inside is like a viking mead hall and...it's attached to the school of architecture.

So much of the orientation this week has been about history of the school and I'm having a pretty good time. I'm kinda frustrated about only a few things now, and the list seems to be shrinking daily - if you're still on the list, then you prolly know it :-p

This is the main building. Not sure that it's used for much other than storage now. It has been a few things including a really tall library, but an unfortunate happening in the 70's has kept the observation level mostly closed since then.

Y'all keep having fun!!

Home is Where...?

2009-08-20T07:31:00.000-05:00

One of the many great things about loving to camp is that you get comfortable quickly with what you might call your semi-permanent residence. I'm home now. Called it a dorm room...because it feels like that..., but everyone else calls it their apartment...and it is. It's next to the campus, but Dobie is a private residence even though it's really a big friggin' dorm. No one in their right mind would live here unless they were going to school at UT..., though I'm sure that soon I'll meet a non-student freak still here.

Freshman orientation is every bit as odd as I imagined it might be. Think that there's about 10,000 of us, and there's not a whole clue between our collective self.

Did get a chance to run this morning. Yay! Ran down (literally) to Town Lake, across the bridge, over to Zilker Park, back by the state capitol complex and then "home". The whole thing was less than 10 miles (maybe 15km) and broke it into 2 obvious pieces, getting some fresh juice near the park. We've visited Austin jillions of times over the years, but I didn't remember everything being so close.

Bought a coffee maker yesterday afternoon...so I had a good reason to wake up this morning :-D

haha... I've already missed a session this morning and feeling pretty good about that!

Doesn't Look Like Much

2009-08-17T11:29:00.000-05:00

But this is the only hilltop in this loop of a mind clearing ride. It's hot and I've been pushing harder than usual. This is pretty much my favorite point in this loop because it's downhill for the next 30 minutes or so. How badly do I need downhill right now? Prolly not very much, but ilk always take it.

I must be the last one to head out of town to start school. Every ONE of my friends is freaking out. Their emails and txts are flooding in and I feel like turning off the phone again, but it's a wave that won't end and they seem to be looking for sanity. Is it here? Should be, but my mind is saying ride....

I left the hilltop and am under my favorite tree in this loop. It's hot and the air quality is worse than "normal". Hoping for some cleaner air soon, and wondering how long it will take to get my head clear again because it seems like I'm headed into a storm.

I'm searching for something familiar that makes me feel secure if only for a few minutes. More riding...more hot wind...

It's early, yet

2009-08-16T05:46:00.000-05:00

No pic to go with this, either. Do have tons that I took on my camera and maybe share some with y'all later today or tomorrow when I have some more computer time.
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Making my self sick with thoughts of needed life changes over the next few days. Orientation starts early this week in Austin and looking at boxes of things that I've already packed for the move.
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I'm feeling strangely selfish (really odd for me). Maybe it's still the lingering lack of sleep since Friday that's causing me to wanna heal. Maybe it's sth else, tho.
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This trip was fantastic!! If only we could figure out a way to get those mountains (which used to be part of Texas) a little closer to where I live. :-)
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Chat soon and bbyez for now,
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Ric
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Willie Always Says it Better

2009-08-15T04:12:00.000-05:00

This One's for You <3

2009-08-14T09:22:00.001-05:00

You might remember... that I woke up early and ventured to this point on a nearby lake to take this stunning picture for you.

Hike 'til You Drop

2009-08-13T19:38:00.001-05:00

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Was able to convince everyone to roll out this morning because I made breakfast! We had talked about hiking on the drive up, and were prepared with day packs, but it was seeming a little less likely that it would get done.
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The trail map afforded us all our own hikes! After leaving the cabin at about 9:30 we took in the view of hazy peaks as the morning air thinned a little with the rising sun - beautiful! We hiked the rim of the canyon together and separated when it was time for me to drop down into the "abyss". In the 4 hours of hiking by myself I only saw one other person; it was incredible!! The river down at the bottom was pure, cool & tasty!
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We met up again on the other side of a small feeder canyon and agreed that this hike was mostly what we were seeking in the trip. I'd hiked about 15 miles and they did a little over 6. They had the luxury of a full lunch and I ate nuts,fruit and river water as I continued - they only beat me to the meeting spot by about 20 minutes so it worked out perfectly.
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I'm getting better at afternoon naps! Was pretty much out from 5 to 7 and we're planning to see if there's any nightlife in the two towns soon. This is so wonderful - if only it were living reality and not just a memorable trip!
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Woo-Hoo! (really, this time!)

2009-08-12T21:47:00.001-05:00

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This lil roll in the river may not look like much, but it feels like you just dropped from the top of the Texas Giant rollercoaster at Six Flags! Whitewater kayaking is definitely going to be something I'll seek out on future trips where it's to be had.
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The water was extremely cold - so rolling over wasn't a pleasant option - just stay topside up, our guide said! Wanting to please (and not drown) I did as instructed, fortunately. The other fella in my foursome wasn't so fortunate, and it was a pretty rough afternoon for him.
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You know... for a Summer that began with such a thud, this one has been fantastic. When forced to seek new travels and happy-making events, one might just might find pleasure!
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If you're already at school studying or packing and going soon... don't be glum about this last yee-ha spree - my number comes up soon, and hoping to bag a few more great memories that'll last!
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Amazing Sky!

2009-08-12T21:03:00.001-05:00

Thanks again to Kat for the internet help and James for trying to spiff up my "best" pic from last night (this morning). Took about 50 pics of the meteor shower, and shoulda thought about bringing a tripod on the trip before.... The one above is NOTHING (mean it) when I try to tell you how amazing it was watching hundreds of meteors streaming across the occasionally clear night sky in the mountains.

Already have my chair ready for tonight and took in a long nap after lunch in preparation.

I swear there were a few that seemed to be colorful and have to say that nature's fireworks are much more impressive than any 4th of July show that I've seen! I'm now a completely convinced stargazer and look forward to consuming an education on them.

Assistance

2009-08-12T10:12:00.000-05:00

James and Kat -

Thank you both for last night's uber late assistance on the star/meteor photo editing and the other internet stuff, too. As you can see the post didn't work - so much for trying to be minimalist on my internetz this trip. If you email it to the address above, then the post shows up like this. Can y'all get with each other today - only- if it's easy to do.

Thanx and chat soon.

Ric

This is the spot

2009-08-11T23:46:00.001-05:00

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This is part of the view when you step out the back door of our mountain cabin.
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There's a meteor shower tonight (hope to post some pics tomorrow morning) and we figure that this small mountain piece should block the moonlight for a period to see the perseids. Hoping that the clouds clear somewhat to get the best view!
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We're having a great time, tho, my great time seems to be more reflective than the other three in my party. Oh... the WEATHER! It barely hit 75F today and gets down to 50F or a little below at night. Obviously, a far cry from the 100F+ temps in Texas and it goes a long, long way in explaining why so many of my friends and their families disappear in June and come back at the end of August.
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We're supposed to do some kayaking on Wednesday, or, at least, some river fun. The mountain biking today was a complete blast, tho, very tiring. The sights and smells of the forest are remarkable!
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Wish You Were Here > X <

2009-08-11T11:16:00.001-05:00

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The clean, crisp, cool air of the Rockies in the morning is unbeatable, I think. Weezing a little (hahaha), actually, from the mountain biking in the thin air, but it's worth it! Should be adjusted by tomorrow anyway. Isn't this view spectacular? Oh, how I wish you were here....
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Mountain Shadow

2009-08-10T20:58:00.001-05:00

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We're about down to the last hour of driving and I'm definitely going to pass the honors to a travel mate on the way back. Made pretty good time, and everyone but me seems pretty well rested. This shot was heading up into the pass not too far from Crested Butte. Quick leg stretching and load 'em back up!
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Woo-Hoo I'm the Driver

2009-08-10T11:45:00.001-05:00

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We left town this morning at about 5:00AM and this chosen spot was the first stop. Why? Because I'm the driver. Dad has taught me that when you drive and are trying to make time - stop only when necessary. Everyone has been mostly asleep since the hummmm of the road knocked them out one after the other about 30 minutes in. This spot is somewhere in the Texas panhandle and I've been watching the clouds - what to watch? - and thought these looked good. There's a gas station ahead according to a sign that I saw and the girls will get their own chance to freshen up. I'm pretty sure that I wasn't just asked to go because I had the newest car and liked driving... yes... I'm sure!
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Productivity Day

2009-08-09T21:59:00.000-05:00

Maybe it was nervous energy, and maybe it was just the coffee that had me going early this morning on some projects that had been requested at the beginning of the Summer. Time was running out and so I just dove in.

I'd love to show you the (near) perfectly organized garage and the dust-free attic above it, but instead I'll show you these lovely growy things that I spied while drinking gallons of ice water throughout the 102F day.

The look on dad's face when he came back from his golfing day was really reward enough; I am the favored child! So it was that very moment when I hit him with the request to venture out to Colorado for the week. Yes! I'm going.

So... for 4 or 5 days you'll get a quick post from the area near Crested Butte. Should be able to get the first one up tomorrow evening! Maybe this will make up for the so-so feeling I have in my gut for missing out on the hiking/camping with my cousin in July.

Have fun!

Future's so Bright

2009-08-07T16:52:00.001-05:00

...and friggin' hot. Back to normal here - 106F at this particular spot, tho, the official temp is a lil cooler at the airport.
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Took this pic with my eyes closed and holding the camera up and through my Persol, brown tinted shades. Quick, quick - get 'em back on my face and save the eyes from permanent damage.
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Jeez - looking like a really hot weekend. Gonna start putting a plan together to be in a pool....
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Y'all keep having fun!
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By the light of the moon

2009-08-06T21:59:00.003-05:00

It's another full moon tonight, and the day was fantastic, too!

I've always loved the idea that people separated by some distance can go out at night, look at the clear sky and share the sight of the same moon.

If it's cloudy where you are, well...then you're lucky... so here's the moon tonight. Thanks for sharing the same sight, friend!

Dang Beavers are at it Again

2009-08-06T07:49:00.006-05:00

The rain over the last week has really gotten the beavers in the creek all stirred up. Every morning they've started chewing on something new. Here's a pic of some €\&¤@-ing tree roots that they've been working. This tree is huge, too. Gonna have to do something about them...

I think... it's over

2009-08-04T20:54:00.000-05:00

The intense re-reading of stories and notes was all focused on today. My mind says it's over...all in...done, but my heart is still going through the notes -sorta. I guess I'm a romantic, and in the end this class on chivalric literature was just perfect, as in 4.0.

The fencing class had to be so much better than whatever might have been its replacement in Austin, too, and hey, I did learn to parry like a champ.

I'm tired now. Could put a bowl of Pralines n Cream to good use, tho... :-)

Goodnight, all y'all.

Start off with something sweet

2009-08-03T06:14:00.003-05:00

The neighbor's fluffy black cat had kittens on the first day of Summer. How can anyone not LOVE kittens? This one that I chose to paint last week is my favorite. She's not usually with the other 5 when they're playing so I have to kinda go hunting for her.
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She's shy, but not unapproachable, and loves to have her ears and tummy scratched. So soft...and nibbles on your fingers - I swear she listens intently whenever you chat with her. Okay...so here's my first art post. Thanks for dropping by and here's to a brilliant Monday!!
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Gotta good feelin'

2009-08-02T08:25:00.000-05:00

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That this day is gonna work out perfectly. I'm listening to Tanita Tikaram on the ipod and walking around the yard this morning. There's still the smell of freshly cut grass from my big yard deal yesterday and I cannot think of one single thing that I have to do.
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Plan to sing a little louder this morning (choir is back from England) and say sweet prayers for everyone's continued health & happiness in the day =D
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Rain delayed their Welcome Home

2009-08-01T10:18:00.000-05:00

Some friends and I headed out to DFW airport this morning to welcome home some of the many US Troops who survived their tour of duty in Iraq.

A strong storm system delayed the flight so we found ourselves waiting and making our own fun for a while.

Whether you thought US troops should have been there or not - you couldn't help being happy for their safe arrival and into the arms of their families. The scene played out below went for 45 minutes and became more and more joyous as the happy soldiers streamed through the doors.

I've Tried Life Imitates Art...

2009-07-31T06:21:00.000-05:00

so now I'm trying Art imitates whatever is really around me...

I've chatted with a few friends about how I've been exploring more and more of the creative things that I enjoy and trying to get obsessed about water coloring this last week. It seems to be working. The little images are starting to pop again. You kno... the ones that just appear and you want to get them down on something more permanent? That might be words or pics for most of you....

Haven't ever shared any of my works with anyone online, tho, and the thought of it just makes me shiver. How funny is that? I'm not really afraid of much (thinking something's gonna get each of us at some point), but sharing creations and putting them up for critique (or worse, begging for a compliment) just makes me a lil cold.

This week I dropped by some of the fine art rooms at the U. just to chat and observe - and I was so inspired by the wonderful works that people are creating =D. Also had a chance to interact with some new students and that was even more fun. Dunno, but it felt more "right" there than mingling among the students in the "other" building where I have a class.

Also have been exchanging emails with my two room-mates-to-be for this next year in Austin and they seem pretty cool. Yeah...all 3 of us are dorks, but that's what happens when you decide to go Plan II and live it solid for, at least, a year....

Thanks, all y'all for reading, commenting and chatting!

Head in the clouds

2009-07-29T18:36:00.000-05:00

Guess it's good news that I was back to looking at the clouds today. Hope it was a fantastic Wednesday for everyone!
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thinking, then dreaming

2009-07-29T06:24:00.000-05:00

Yeah...so here I am thinking again. Wish always that it were easier for me to under-think things and just oversimplify...and move on, but I get up too early for that.

Like most of you readers - I have an active imagination and prolly don't sleep nearly as much as I should. So naturally...a good deal of my time is spent just making things up - haha!

Put some water in the little puddles of watercolor that dried overnight and quickly got to working on a little piece that I began this weekend when my mind was in a slightly different place. That's kind of a problem - and it accounts for having so many unfinished works lying and stacked about.

This one is portrait based with a fanciful background (typical, actually) and the colors are bright (bright as you can get with gouache) and the little face is wearing a curious smile. So I start to work on the background, which is easy enough to continue - let parts start drying and move back to the face. I have no inspiration to continue the face. It happens all the time - the face that I had in my mind is no longer there - it's not smiling the same way, it's not as fresh as before, something has corrupted the image and I'm momentarily stuck.

So here I am - turning to the computer to do a very small amount of creating and hoping for something to work itself free. It's starting to get light now so I'll prolly just go outside. School is seeming to come around earlier every day....

I'm quite ready for things to continue improving - better, better, best. The look and feel and taste and smell of things to you is largely dependent on how you believe them to be. Hope that all y'all manage to capture the essence of today and find that its scent is pleasing!

Marginally Wonderful Day

2009-07-28T12:55:00.000-05:00

Bleh.... Nothing has gone wrong. Nothing has gone really well. Nothing has fallen from the sky. Nothing good comes to mind. Nothing an me...we're getting close!

Loving the Morning Rain

2009-07-27T09:38:00.000-05:00

I feel like the week is off to a great start with an early rain nourishing the plants and feeding our souls.

Why plan anything?

2009-07-26T06:42:00.000-05:00

It's almost laughable lately the way I come up with plans and they're changed before, during and after the actions. I'm so tired right now that I should prolly just stop typing and come back for an edit later. Too much on my mind, too.

Sunset over Lake

2009-07-25T20:23:00.000-05:00

This has (so far) been an extremely full day of meeting new people and mostly enjoying every moment. This view is the sunset over Lake Travis at a popular restaurant.

Have to say that if this weekend gathering is anything like the next few years, then staying on task for studies has some stiff competition. My arms are sore from wake boarding and pulling people out of the water. Good news: I did wear sunscreen so my sunburn doesn't seem that bad!

Ima get back to the group here in a second, and hope that y'all are doing what you do best wherever you are!
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